


Il suffirait de presque rien

by un_petit_peu_de_moi



Category: Football RPF
Genre: 5 years age-gap, Alternate Universe, Anal Sex, M/M, Masturbation, Pining, Rating will go up, Slice of Life, suprisingly bottom Neymar
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-23
Updated: 2015-04-01
Packaged: 2018-03-08 19:34:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 3
Words: 30,715
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3220844
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/un_petit_peu_de_moi/pseuds/un_petit_peu_de_moi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>His new neighbors have two sons, both with long hair, but that's really the only thing they have in common. The elder is a strong and friendly 23 years old man. The younger is a small and quiet 15 years old boy, whose skin is pale and whose eyes are dark. </p>
<p>Neymar befriends the both of them, but the boy's eyes - his eyes, they never stop being dark, and Neymar may be 19 but he's still too old to be pining after a teenager.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So a while ago, I was wondering what would happen in a universe where Neymar is older than Leo. Not in our actual world- that's too complicated - but in another universe, where they go to school and such. So I did my best to fulfill my curiosity on this point, though I have someone to thank for fueling my imagination. (so thank you)
> 
> Also, titles pain me, so I have decided I didn't care anymore if I used fancy-sounding French titles. Though, it does have a meaning - I'm referencing an old song by Serge Reggiani where a man tells a girl in love with him that's he too old for her. (well, admittedly, the age-gap is a lot more significant in the song)
> 
> EDIT : For any Chinese reader out there, boil_for_fluff translated this fic into Chinese, so [here is the link ](http://archyy.lofter.com/post/15d225_78c57e8).
> 
> At any rate, it's definitely different from what I've already written, but I still hope you'll enjoy it !

Neymar is nineteen, and he’s got a fancy flat in a fancy part of the town, that isn’t too far away from college. His parents inherited the flat when his grandma died, and Neymar has been freeloading it ever since he started college.

 

He’s studying languages in university, and it’s the beginning of his second year. He isn’t sure what he wants to do after – maybe something in communication and public relations. He doesn’t really care; he just wants to meet people, talk to them and be with them.

 

There is a house in front of his apartment building, and the owner dies during the summer – a nice old lady who gave Neymar cakes sometimes. The house is bought by a family of four, with two sons, and rumor has it that’s it’s a blended family.

 

Neymar rarely sees the parents, but he sees the sons. One is a guy of average height, with a strong stature and long curly hair. He looks like he could be tough, but he greets Neymar every time they meet with a smile on his face, and when he discovers they go to the same university, he offers to ride Neymar there every morning. His name is Carles. _Carles Puyol_ , he says.

 

He sees the other son sometimes too. The boy is 15 and he has just started high school, and from time to time, Carles gives him a ride. He never talks much in the car – he’s quiet, but he looks Neymar in the eyes when he’s talking. He’s nonchalant and discreet, and he always answers questions as concisely as possible. He’s quite small – something like 5’5’’ – and he’s got long dark hair that doesn’t quite reach his shoulders. He’s pale, really pale. His name is Lionel, but Carles always call him Leo.

 

Leo’s name is sewed into the back of his coat, and it spells _“Lionel Messi”._ Neymar thinks there might be some truth to these “blended family” rumors.

 

Neymar quickly become friends with Carles – or maybe it’s Carles that quickly becomes friends with him. They haven’t known each other for long when Carles tells him Leo and him don’t have the same parents. Carles’ mother is dead, and Leo’s biological father has left Leo and his mom when he was still a baby. Carles remembers his own mother, but Leo has never known anything but his mom. Their little stitched up family got together ten years ago, and it’s _his_ family: Leo’s mother is his mother, and Leo is his brother – that’s what Carles says. _I don’t mind telling you my story_ , he says, _because I’m not ashamed of my family_.

 

Neymar starts spending a lot of time at Carles’ place. He doesn’t like being alone and alone is what he gets if he goes back to his flat. And when Carles discovers Neymar is living his life on take-out and that the reason he has no white clothes is because he doesn’t know how to make them stay white, Carles starts helping him with his daily choirs and he invites him over for dinner every night.

 

Carles and Leo’s parents are rarely there – all the time he stayed over to eat, he has never once eaten with them. Their mother is a human rights lawyer, and his father is a war doctor. Prestigious jobs, really, but they’re almost never here and Leo looks bitter when they are.

 

Well, Neymar has been crashing the Messi-Puyol household for a while now, and he still doesn’t know anything substantive about Leo. He only knows what Carles tells him: that he’s good in math but he doesn’t know what to do after high school; that he likes sports but he loves naps more; that they have been there almost two months now and Leo still doesn’t have any friends. Carles worries about that; he worries about Leo.

 

Neymar barely sees Leo, because the boy is always locked up in his room upstairs, and he never eats with Carles and him. Sometimes he comes down when they are already done, and sometimes Carles is the one to bring him food. Carles says it’s been like that for a while, because Leo dislikes the fact that it’s only the two of them when they eat – Carles and Leo, without their parents. He says it’s even worse ever since they moved, because Leo has friends back in Rosario, and he left them all behind.

 

Still, when Leo rides Carles’ car with him, he’s polite. Not talkative, and not loud, but he still mutters _“good morning”_ every time, and he smiles politely when Neymar greets him. He stares at Neymar sometimes, when Neymar starts singing in the car, loudly, and Neymar knows he sings badly but he doesn’t care. Carles chuckles and Leo keeps quiet about it, but when he fails to hit a particularly high note, he sees Leo’s lips twitch in the mirror.

 

Neymar thinks Leo looks kind of cute, when he smiles.

 

 

\--

 

Leo’s fifteen, and his voice is already broken. It’s low and deep, but he doesn’t talk much, doesn’t talk enough, and Neymar wants to hear more.

 

\--

 

 

In November, Carles starts studying for his mid-term exam – well Carles is always studying for his mid-term exams, but the shit is getting real now – but Neymar keeps coming over. He does nothing, just plays video games until dinner, and it’s better than playing video games alone in his flat, but still – Neymar gets bored.

 

After three days of this, he decides there’s another human in this house, and that – seeing as he’s a guest – it’s his duty to entertain him. (He’s a weird guess admittedly, who spends more time here than at his own place, and who eats there almost every single night.)

 

Neymar goes upstairs, and stops just in front of Leo’s door. Such a mysterious door. Always closed, and he never hears anything coming from behind it. No music, no heavy steps. No words and no laughter. He doesn’t know Leo much, and yet he feels sad for the boy, feels sad for him because he truly doesn’t have any friends, and he’s already been there three months. Sometimes, the phone rings, and it’s one of his friend from Rosario. Leo dashes downstairs to snatch the phone from Carles’ hand and he isolates himself somewhere quiet to talk.

 

Talk. Neymar has a hard time imagining Leo holding a phone conversation. Maybe it’s the other person doing the talking. Maybe Leo needs to be talked to more than he needs to talk to people.

 

Neymar opens Leo’s door, barging into the room with panache and splendor.

 

He smiles with all his teeth at Leo who looks up startled from where he’s doing his homework at his desk ( _how boring_ ).

 

“Do you… need something?” Leo asks, puzzled but trying to be polite, even though there’s a spark of annoyance in his eyes. Annoyance – that’s something new, and Neymar tries to remember that: the flash of irritation in Leo’s eyes, the underlying aggravation at Neymar barging in like he owns the place.

 

“Not really, thanks” Neymar answers, and he takes in Leo’s room. This is a very white room, with two lonely pictures framed on a shelf, some books and some comics – but not too many – a little TV and video games, and a bed neatly done. The walls are white, and there is a large board on one of them, except there’s nothing on this board. It’s empty, even though it looks like the kind of board which is supposed to be filled with pictures and souvenirs.

 

“What are you doing?” Leo asks, frowning as Neymar starts looking around the room, kneeling down to watch under the bed. “Hey, stop!” He says, catching his wrist as he starts opening drawers.

 

Neymar wriggles his eyebrows. “Why? What are you hiding? Is it dirty?” Leo looks taken aback by Neymar’s actions and Neymar uses his confusion to yank the drawer open, snatching briefs out.

 

“Ooooh”, he calls, getting away from Leo’s grabby hands “SpongeBob Squarepants!” he brandishes the underwear and waves it around, and Leo looks annoyed now, but there’s also a soft hue of pink on his pale cheeks. Neymar thinks it must be impractical being so pale, because everyone knows when you’re blushing.

 

“My friends bought it for me as a joke.” Leo mumbles, and he yanks the briefs away, shoving them back into the drawer.

 

“You have friends?”

 

Neymar never thinks much before talking, and he bites his lips in remorse as soon as the words leave his mouth. Leo freezes for a second, before relaxing marginally – he’s been tense ever since Neymar entered his room.

 

“From Rosario, where we came from.” Leo mutters, and he drags his feet back to his desk, sitting down heavily.

 

There are only two pictures on the shelf – one of his family, and the other of a group young boys smiling, and among them is Leo, grinning widely.

 

“Why don’t you have any friends here?” Neymar knows he’s being tactless at this point, but he doesn’t get Leo, and he’s curious. At worst, Leo will get angry at him, and he’s fine with that. He’s fine with Leo’s anything as long as there are emotions on his face.

 

Leo shrugs, pretending to be invested in his work again, “I’m not very good at it.”

 

“Well, if you made friends once, you can probably do it again, can’t you?”

 

Leo side-eyes him from his desk, and fumbles with his pen, “I met them because of football.”

 

That catches Neymar’s attention. “You play football too?! That’s great! We should play together some times!” he grins and get all up in Leo’s personal space. Leo jolts back when Neymar grabs his arms. Their faces are only inches apart, and Leo’s eyes are almost crossed looking at him. He opens his mouth to answer, but Neymar cuts him before the subject can be changed.

 

“Why don’t you join the football club then? You could meet people there.”

 

Leo frowns, and shakes him off. He grumbles something, and feigns going back to his homework. After a full minute, where Neymar doesn’t move at all, staying inches away from Leo – which has got to be disturbing when you’re trying to work – Leo quietly mumbles, “It won’t change me being weird.”

 

Neymar feels his chest tightens when he hears Leo’s quiet voice, admitting it like it’s a fatality he’s resolved himself to but that he still feels ashamed of. Neymar doesn’t know Leo much, but Leo seems like a good boy. He’s not very talkative, but he’s polite and cute. Neymar likes the boy – strangely – and at any rate, nobody deserves to think lowly of themselves.

 

Neymar clears his throat, and he moves back, flopping down on Leo’s bed.

 

“What are you doing? Can’t you leave?”

 

 _Quiet but not a pushover_ , Neymar thinks, laughing, because Leo isn’t pretending to be polite here; his tone is annoyed and he’s staring at him pointedly.

 

Neymar props himself up on his elbow. “Nope, I’m staying here. Your brother is busy and I’m bored.”

 

Leo groans but he doesn’t try to physically kick him out, which Neymar takes as a good thing. He stays in Leo’s room, and starts chatting away, commenting on random things he thinks about – TV shows, Carle’s hair, the fact that his wall is as pale as his skin and that if they were to play hide-and-seek he’d only need to plaster himself against it not to be found. Leo mostly says nothing, but sometimes he snorts and bites something back. Other times, his lips twitch and there’s a small smile playing at the corner of his mouth – and these are Neymar’s favorite times.

 

Neymar watches Leo working. Leo looks very focused, his hands somehow large for his size, scribbling away on a notebook. His hair cascades down over his face, and he keeps tucking it behind his ears. Sometimes, he catches Leo smile at his jokes, and Leo’s smile—Leo smiling looks happy, _genuinely_ happy and excited like a child, and it’s the dumbest and cutest smile Neymar has ever seen. And when he stops smiling, his face goes back to his neutral state, in between passive and uninterested.

 

Carles’ head pokes in tentatively at 8 pm, and he does a double-take when he sees Neymar there.

 

“I was wondering where you were.” He looks puzzled as to why Neymar’s here, lying leisurely on Leo’s bed, but he doesn’t question it. “Dinner will be ready in 10. I assume you’re eating there tonight, right?”

 

Neymar grins up, looking at Carles upside-down. His bowel movement has never been as normal as nowadays; no way is he going back to living his life on take-outs.

 

“As I thought.” He glances at Leo, “You’re welcome to come too, Leo.” He says softly, gazing at Leo with affection and grief. He closes the door when he leaves, and Neymar sits up, looking at Leo’s unfazed face.

 

“You should go for the football club, you know.”

 

Leo freezes, his pen stopping in mid-air. His eyes look unfocused for a moment, and then he’s frowning, looking irritated – almost angry – as he turns to Neymar.

 

Neymar speaks up before Leo has the time to say anything, “Even if you don’t make any friends there, at least it will keep you occupied. There’s no point spending your days locked up in your room,” Neymar stands up and gestures to the whole room, “There’s nothing here. Not even you.”

 

He leaves before Leo can protest. Before he enters the kitchen to join Carles, he stops and hits his head against a wall, groaning. That had been _oh so sensitive_ of him, 10/10 on life advice from a guy who couldn’t sort his dirty laundry. Now Leo is going to hate him. There goes his befriending attempt.

 

He sits at the table, a bit sulkily, ready to partake in Carles’ homemade lasagna for comfort when he hears shuffling at the entrance of the kitchen. Carles stops in the middle of sitting down, and Neymar turns to see Leo there, standing awkwardly at the doorstep. Leo glances briefly at the table – three plates, always three, because Carles always has hope – and he shuffles his way to his place, his oversized pants dragging on the floor and his hair falling in his eyes.

 

He sits down heavily, and immediately serves himself. He starts digging into his plate, but after some seconds he seems to get annoyed with the creepy staring and he levels both Carles and he with an annoyed look.

 

“I thought I was welcomed to eat, but I can leave if I bother you.”

 

He says that a bit sulkily, like a vexed child, and ‘ _that’s cute’_ is the only thing that comes to Neymar’s mind, so he laughs. Leo’s lips twitch a bit as Neymar’s laugh – probably because Neymar’s laugh sometimes sounds like whales wailing, but even if that’s the case, Neymar is happy anyway.

 

Carles is quick to refute Leo’s statement and he’s trying not to let it show too much, Neymar knows, but he looks ecstatic and _relieved_.

 

Leo doesn’t talk for the whole dinner. He looks at Carles and him in turn, depending on who’s talking. He’s listening to them chat about random things – university, Neymar’s neighbors, Carle’s girlfriend, Neymar’s fashion choices. He’s listening to it all, sometimes nodding along, sometimes frowning, and sometimes snorting. He smiles and laughs a bit too, even if it’s mostly when Carles makes fun of Neymar.

 

Neymar probably shouldn’t be noticing each and every of his smiles, each and every times his lips so much as _twitch_ , but he does anyway, keeping a vigilant eyes on Leo despite himself.

 

 

\--

 

Leo’s fifteen and he shouldn’t be as interesting to Neymar as he is, but Neymar finds himself enraptured by the boy anyway.

 

\--

 

 

The thing is: Carles has a girlfriend. So when he gets out of his room after hours of studying, she’s the one he wants to see. Carles’ girlfriend is pretty and nice and together they already act like a couple. Neymar feels they might start talking about kids and family dinners at any time.

 

Carles is taken, and Neymar doesn’t mind much. He bothers Leo instead. And Leo lets him.

 

Neymar knows Leo lets him because there is a lock on his door and he never uses it, no matter how many times he complains when Neymar barges in. Day by day, he’s wearing Leo’s barriers down – though, to be honest, those aren’t really barriers. Leo is a bit introverted but he’s just passive and quiet. The way Leo’s letting him in – Neymar thinks Leo _wants_ to get used to Neymar, and that he wants to befriend him just as much as Neymar does.

 

Sometimes, they play video games together. They play FIFA, and they’re quite even at the game, but the first time Leo starts losing, he quits the game before it’s over and he sulks, and Neymar laughs so much he starts crying.

 

Sometimes Neymar studies in Leo’s room, and Neymar hates studying, so he tends to space out, listening to Leo breathe instead of learning.

 

They talk football sometimes, and Leo is actually really knowledgeable and passionate about the sport. Neymar also discovers that Leo makes horrible, terrible jokes that are so unfunny Neymar can’t help but laugh. At first he wondered if his jokes were so bad because he’d lost the habit of joking with people, but even after some weeks, his jokes still are the worst Neymar has ever heard.

 

Sometimes, the phone rings, and Carles tells Leo it’s from Rosario, and Neymar won’t see him for at least one hour. When he comes back, he always look both sad and happy, like he can’t quite decide if he’s glad to hear from his friends or depressed that he can’t be with them anymore.

 

Neymar asks him about the picture on his shelf, of a group of young boys smiling. Leo tells him the name of each boy in the picture, but Neymar can’t remember them. Sometimes, he tells him stories about Rosario, and when Neymar looks puzzled at the names, he shows him the picture again, says each name again, but Neymar always forgets.

 

The thing is, when Leo sits next to him and shows him this picture, his head down and his hair falling over his face, they sit so close that their thighs are touching. And Leo smells nice.

 

Neymar remembers boys his age, and they all smelt like sweat and deodorant. Leo doesn’t, not really. Or maybe his deodorant is actually effective where most fails – but at any rate, Neymar keeps sniffing him when Leo is close enough.

 

He’s a bit enraptured by his hair too. It doesn’t reach his shoulders, not quite, and he mostly tucks it behind his ears. Sometimes, it looks greasy, and Neymar makes fun of Leo until he washes it. When he’s fresh out of the shower – when he’s clean – his hair look soft and silky, and Neymar wants to pass his fingers through it.

 

Neymar has really poor impulse controls, and he doesn’t torment himself for too long before he gives in and touches Leo’s hair. Leo is startled, asking Neymar what he’s doing, but he doesn’t stop him, and Neymar takes that as a free-pass to touch his hair whenever he wants.

 

So when Leo shows him this photo (again), talks about his friends (again), Neymar sometimes tuck his hair behind his ears himself, tugs on it, or makes tiny braids that have Leo groaning when he tries to gets them off. Neymar plays with his hair as Leo talks, his voice low, and he watches Leo’s face.

 

Leo isn’t handsome, not really, but he isn’t ugly either. He’s somehow cute, somehow not cute at all. Sometimes his face is very serious, dark eyes focused, and it makes Neymar shiver. Other times – like when he remembers his days in Rosario – he looks happy, and dumb, and sweet.

 

Neymar doesn’t really understand why he’s so invested in Leo, why he’s trying to spend as much time with him as possible. He doesn’t get why, but Leo is small and compact, his clothes too large on him even though he’s not skinny, and he looks squishy.

 

So Neymar is slowly eating at Leo’s personal space too. Sitting close, touching his hair, hugging him to say hello, hugging him to say goodbye. When Leo’s sitting on his chair, working, he hovers behind him, hugs him from behind to get his attention when Leo’s spends too much time on his homework.

 

Leo loves naps too, and that’s boring. Leo is cute when he sleeps, but Neymar wants to cuddle him, and he doesn’t quite think Leo would appreciate being spooned. Neymar doesn’t even _know_ why he wants to touch Leo that much. He wants Leo to get out of his shell, to open up to him – but that doesn’t quite explain why he shivers when Leo’s hand brushes against his.

 

Leo eats with Carles and him now. He does so every night, and as times goes by, he talks more and more. He answers Carles’ questions about his day, he shares some things with them too – things he learnt in schools or saw on TV. Carles looks happy.

 

(One night, Leo tells an awful, _awful_ joke that makes Neymar laugh for how horrible Leo is at telling jokes. When Leo goes back to his room, Carles cries, hugging Neymar and telling him ‘ _thank you’_ even though Neymar wasn’t the one who told Leo that horrible joke in the first place.)

 

About one month passes like that.

 

Neymar’s greatest achievement is Leo’s photo board: only one month and there’s already two photos on it. Admittedly, they have been pinned there by Neymar himself. One is a selfie he took of himself making faces at the camera as Leo can be seen sleeping in the background. The other picture is of Leo and Carles. Leo is smiling dumbly, covered in chocolate, and Carles is laughing, equally dirty – as one is bound to be after a food fight.

 

Leo’s hair is long in the picture – too long, getting in his eyes. He remembers helping Leo washes his hair after, in the sink. He had used the opportunity to cut Leo’s hair a bit too. Leo had squinted when Neymar had offered, looking pointedly at his hair, but he’d ultimately accepted. Neymar had been careful, trying not to stare at Leo’s eyes and eyelashes as he cut his bangs. The result wasn’t bad – it was good enough.

 

Neymar found himself in charge of Leo’s hair after that. Admittedly, that’s a charge he took upon himself, but he still takes it very seriously, because long-haired teenage boys all seem to think their hair doesn’t need to be washed.

 

He gave Leo a dozen of hair-care product, which, obviously, Leo threw away. Yet, when Neymar went into his bathroom, he saw one lonely bottle of shampoo that Neymar had given him. Twelve products, only one remains, and Neymar thinks it's a good metaphor for Leo in general: you have to give him tons of things for him to accept only one. He mumbles when Neymar praises him because he got good grades, mumbles when Neymar tells him his skin is soft, he mumbles when Neymar tells him he’s nice because he’s helping him out with administrative papers Neymar understands nothing of. But sometimes Neymar says his friends look like nice people, and his face lights up, smiling widely, and Neymar doesn’t really get Leo and his dumb smile and his pale skin, but he watches anyway.

 

 

\--

 

Leo is fifteen, and Neymar is nineteen when he sneaks a hand down his own underwear for the first time, lying on his bed, remembering Leo’s scent and his hair and his eyes as he brings himself off and shamefully comes in his hands, sighing Leo’s name.

 

\--

 

 

Leo comes back late one day, in January, and Carles and he worries for a full hour, before Leo passes the threshold of the house. They wait for him, fully determined to block his way until they know why he’s late when he has never been before.

 

“Where were you?” Carles isn’t even trying to hide the worry in his voice.

 

“I… I was with some friends” Leo mutters, a bit shyly, and he glances at Neymar quickly, before meeting Carles’ eyes with defiance.

 

Carles freezes, mouth hanging open, and then his whole body comes to life, and he starts asking all sort of questions to Leo with a big grin on his face, and Neymar nods at each questions to show he wants the answers too.

 

Leo doesn’t answer, just huffs and goes to his room. It’s a bit mysterious, but Carles and he exchange a happy smile anyway, because it’s good news. It’s good news.

 

Neymar found himself to be desperate for Leo to have friends, or at least to be happy – and he doesn’t look happy, alone in his room like that. Leo looks happy when he is with Neymar and Carles, but they aren’t always there – sometimes Neymar has friends to see and places to be – and Neymar knows Leo doesn’t do anything but sleep and study when he isn’t here. So for him to have friends – Neymar is curious, but mostly, overjoyed.

 

Neymar spends the evening with Carles, until he leaves to meet with his girlfriend. Neymar stays to eat some leftovers, except when he goes to the kitchen, he discovers with horror that there are none. There are some rice and some eggs though, and Neymar resolves to make something with it when Leo comes down, wandering into the kitchen and stopping dead in his tracks when he sees Neymar takes a knife out.

 

“I—” he frowns, “I actually don’t feel safe now.”

 

“Hey! I can make a mean risotto.”

 

Leo shakes his head, “I can cook something if you want”

 

Neymar perks up at that, and he lets everything he’s doing to stare at Leo hopefully, “You can cook?”

 

There’s a flash of relief on Leo’s face as soon as Neymar lets go of the knife, “Well, a bit. Better than you anyway,” which Neymar thinks is unfair – that time he had to crash their place for a week because his kitchen had caught fire had been an exceptional and isolated event.

 

Leo pushes him over, and Neymar sits back and watches him cook. He doesn’t make something fancy or complicated, but it’s tasty enough and Neymar wolfs down everything.

 

They wash the dishes together after that, and Neymar keeps on probing him on his mysterious friends, until Leo smiles shyly and tells him it’s two guys named Gerard and Cesc, and that they are part of the football club.

 

“The football club?” Then it hits Neymar, “Wait, you joined it?!”

 

Leo nods, “Yeah, kind of…”

 

“When?”

 

“I don’t know, maybe a month ago.”

 

Neymar’s eyebrows rise in shock, “One month and that’s the first time I hear about it?” He knows Leo is secretive, but that’s still a bit depressing than he hasn’t noticed anything in one month.

 

Leo smiles sheepishly, and Neymar can’t help but grin because fuck, that’s still amazing. “It’s great Leo!” And he flushes Leo against his chest enthusiastically.

 

Leo hugs back briefly, and he rarely does that. It sends flutters down Neymar’s stomach when Leo’s arms wrap around his back. Leo’s arms are surprisingly strong, and Neymar wants to clench his hands into the fabric of Leo’s hoodie.

 

Neymar lets him go, and thriving on his success, he decides to probe some more.

 

“So many things you’re hiding. Are you hiding a girlfriend too? Are you interested in someone?”

 

Leo looks caught off-guard by the sudden change in topic, but he shrugs his shoulders noncommittally.

 

“Come on, you’re a teenage boy. You’ll be sixteen in some months; you probably spend your time thinking about those things.” Neymar wriggles his eyebrows to punctuate his sentence.

 

Leo shakes his head, “Not really. And people aren’t attracted to me anyway.”

 

“Why, why wouldn’t they?” Neymar grins, “I think you’re fine. You’re cute and you have flowing hair.”

 

 _(‘ **I** am attracted to you’ _ – that he keeps to himself.)

 

Neymar smirks, “You’re a bit short though.”

 

Leo looks simultaneously embarrassed and annoyed, “So what? I don’t mind being short.”

 

“Really?” Leo nods, “It doesn’t annoy you? Come on, that’s not fun!”

 

Leo shakes his head, a smile at the corner of his mouth, and Neymar catches his shoulder to keep him from turning back to the sink, “But for real, you know what makes girls swoons?” he points at Leo’s stomach, “ _abs_.”

 

“I doubt it’s enough to attract anyone.”

 

“Well it’s a good first step. And you only say that because you never tried. Look, you need to get it hard and defined!” as he talks, Neymar blindly yanks up Leo’s hoodie and spreads his palm over Leo’s stomach.

 

Leo catches his wrist – a bit too late – and Neymar freezes, because Leo’s abs are tense and hard under his palm, and when he looks down, they’re already defined and pretty.

 

“Uh, right, football practices.”

 

Leo looks weird, uncomfortable, and the hand on his wrist tightens.

 

“Well, that’s nice.” Neymar says shakily, and Leo looks torn, hastily pushing him away. He mutters something about Neymar washing the dishes alone, and then he practically runs out of the kitchen. Neymar barely hears the door of his room slam over the sound of his own heartbeat, thundering away in his ears.

 

His skin tingles where Leo’s hand was holding him, and Leo is strong already – stronger than some months ago, and he’s still growing.

 

Neymar closes his eyes, trying to calm down.

 

 

\--

 

Leo is fifteen, and Neymar can’t stop lusting after him. When he jerks himself off that night, he imagines leading Leo through his first time. He imagines Leo fumbling with the lube, he imagines him shy and sensitive as Neymar sucks him off. He’s close to coming when he remembers Leo’s dark eyes when he’s serious, when he’s focused and when he looks at Neymar disapprovingly because he’s trying to avoid studying – he stares him down even though Neymar’s taller until Neymar gives in and study. He imagines Leo looking at him like that, and that’s neither shy nor hesitant, and Neymar comes hard moaning Leo’s name.

 

\--

 

 

It’s early February and Neymar if going to turn 20. It’s an exciting number, and he planes a big party in his fancy flat, invites all his friends, his whole class, his whole prom, his sister, his high-school friends – everyone that has ever given him a friendly vibe. Neymar is going to turn 20 and he wants everyone to remember it.

 

He’s talking excitedly with Carles about the party, telling him about how all of his friends will be there and he _absolutely_ has to come, and Carles promises he’ll come and make him a big _big_ cake. He tells Carles to come dressed in red, because that’s the theme of the party.

 

“I don’t have any red cloth.”

 

“Hm?” That's Leo's voice, and Neymar’s attention is directed towards him. He’s drinking an orange juice with a straw, frowning. “You’re not invited anyway.” Neymar answers, a bit absent-mindedly, watching Leo’s lips as he sucks on his straw.

 

Leo’s mouth opens, letting the straw out, and his lips press together tightly.

 

“What?”

 

“Ah, you can’t come to the party.”

 

He’s about to say more, but Leo glares at him. He looks hurt, terribly vexed, but he’s also glaring at him fiercely, _angrily_ – and that’s the point where Neymar should be explaining things but his words are caught in his throat and Leo storms out of the kitchen before Neymar has the time to say anything.

 

There’s several seconds of silence where Neymar’s mouth hangs open, unsaid words at the tip of his tongue. Carles clears his throat.

 

“That’s the first time I see him get angry for something like that.” He says, and Neymar knows what he means by ‘ _something like that’_.

 

Leo’s angry because Neymar refused to invite him to his party, and that’s a bit childish of him but until two months ago Leo didn’t have any friend here, and Neymar wouldn’t have imagined Leo getting angry at not being invited. Two months ago, Leo probably didn’t expect _anyone_ to invite him to anything.

 

Now, Leo had obviously expected to be invited – which, which was a good thing actually – but Neymar would have thought rejection would have made him sad or vexed, sure, but not _angry_. Angry enough that Neymar’s heart is beating faster, because he feels like he did something bad and what the fuck kind of feeling is that? Sure, he doesn’t want to upset Leo, but he didn’t do anything wrong, he was just distracted for some seconds and that delayed his explanation.

 

Neymar climbs the stairs to Leo’s room, and tries to open his door only to find it locked.

 

“ _Really_ Leo? Locking your door?”

 

Silence.

 

“That’s ridiculous.”

 

No answer, so Neymar starts knocking on the door.

 

“Come on Leo, open the door.”

 

Still no answer.

 

Neymar snorts, “What’s up with you throwing temper tantrums like that?” He waits a bit, but the door still doesn’t open, “Really, you’re going to sulk? How mature of you.”

 

Leo doesn’t answer, and Neymar frowns, getting a bit agitated. He knocks harder on the door, calling Leo’s name. He knocks for several minutes, and Leo doesn’t even answer him, and _fuck fuck fuck_ , Neymar’s starting to be uneasy and frustrated, and frustration makes him angry. Leo didn’t even let him _explain_ , and why is he angry _now_ of all time? Why not when Neymar broke his favorite game, or when he sent pictures of Leo’s nostrils to his friends?

 

He bangs on the door. “Leo, open the door, you’re acting like a fucking child, just talk to me.” Leo still doesn’t open, he still doesn’t answer, and Neymar should probably make fun of him to bait him out but he can’t. He’s got a lump in his throat suddenly, because Leo’s door is closed, and it has never been closed before, and Leo won’t listen to him; he won’t come out.

 

Neymar feels useless, and lost, and he bangs on the door, a bit desperately, “Leo, let me in, please, you’re acting like a child and—”

 

The door flies open, and there stands Leo, his eyes piercing Neymar and pinning him on the spot.

 

“So what if I’m acting like a child? You always treat me like one anyway.”

 

“I d—”

 

Leo cuts him off, “Can’t I act like a child _now_ , when you said you were inviting all of your friends to your birthday, and yet you don’t want to invite _me_?”

 

Neymar stares at Leo dumbly, eyes wide and mouth open in shock. Leo looks hurt, on top of his anger, and seeing Leo hurt pains him more than he expected. Leo has some much issue with friendship and friends, and Neymar realizes he might have acted like an asshole.

 

“It’s not—that’s not what I meant. You’re my friend, _you are_ —”

 

“Then why can’t I come to your birthday?”

 

“Because— there will only be adults here.” It seems to puzzle Leo, which is better than sadness or anger, so Neymar goes on, “People my age or older, and there will be lots of alcohol. I don’t want you to be here, in this kind of party. Carles wouldn’t let me for one, and I won’t be able to relax if I can’t know where you are at any given moment.”

 

“You don’t have to babysit me; I can take care of myself.”

 

“No you can’t, you’re too young, you’re—”

 

“A child?” Leo looks irked, “Stop already with this _‘you’re a child’_ charade. Stop trying to pretend you’re _so much_ _older_ than me. You’re barely 20. You cry every time we watch a Disney movie and you _flinch_ when things get violent in Game of Thrones. You can’t cook to save your life and you know shits about politics. You’re not an _adult_ , and if I’m a child then so are you.”

 

Neymar is frozen on the spot. He’s unable to do or say anything. He can’t— he can’t say anything back, because Neymar _knows_ he isn’t the mature adult he’s trying to look like. He knows Leo isn’t the child he’s trying to convince himself that he is – he knows that, _obviously_ he knows that; he’s _jerking himself off_ thinking about Leo not being a child.

 

When Neymar finds his voice back, it comes out barely above a whisper, and it’s hoarse and shaky.

 

“I still can’t invite you. I’ll be worried the whole night if I let you in there.”

 

His voice is shaky, he realizes, because he’s apprehensive. He doesn’t want Leo to get mad again, and he still hasn’t digested the full extent of the words Leo had shouted at him.

 

Leo studies him for a second, and he doesn’t look very convinced but he nods, and Neymar can breathe normally again.

 

“And we can see each other, if you want. For lunch for example; I can take you out for lunch.”

 

Leo nods again, “Okay.”

 

“We could invite Carles too.” Neymar finds the need to keep talking, until Leo stop piercing him with his eyes like that.

 

Leo shakes his head, “No, Carles gets to come to your party, so he doesn’t get to come to lunch.”

 

He sounds petulant when he says that, like a child, and the uneasiness inside Neymar dissipates, because he’s more familiar with this Leo than with the angry one.

 

 

\--

 

Leo is fifteen, and Neymar is nineteen, and yet he sometimes feels like Leo could have the upper-hand if he wished – he could tell Neymar what to do, and how to do it, and Neymar would obey.

 

\--

 

 

Some days later, it’s his birthday and he takes Leo out like he promised. Carles takes care of the preparations for the party while he’s away, and Leo and he go to a nice place – nothing fancy, but no fast food either. It’s nice.

 

Leo still looks a bit sour that he can’t come to his birthday, but he’s there, and he tells Neymar about his next football game without Neymar’s asking.

 

(Neymar and Carles go to Leo’s matches, and Neymar has to admit Leo is really good. He’s so short and so small, and yet he winds through defenders like they mean nothing– Neymar got the weirdest boner when he saw Leo play for the first time, but he has it under control now, and he waits until he’s alone before putting a hand on his dick.)

 

“Won’t your parents be back for your next game? That’s cool; they’ll be able to assist to the match!” Neymar grins, because Leo’s parents are almost never there, so that’s good news, right?

 

Apparently, not so much, because Leo looks sour again.

 

“What’s the point? Them assisting to one game won’t change my life or theirs.”

 

Neymar’s smile falters. Leo is pushing his food around on his plate with his fork, and he looks like he’s about to sulk.

 

“They’ll be here for one week, and then they leave again. They won’t be remembering this match two weeks after, when they’re busy doing the things they do. I told dad I got into the football club, but when they called some days ago, he had forgotten about it.”

 

Leo mutters, his head down, hair falling over his face. Neymar’s chest tightens as he watches Leo, and he doesn’t really know what to say to comfort him, yet comforting Leo is the only thing he wants.

 

“I’m sure he didn’t do it on purpose… He’s probably really busy with his job, and—”

 

“I know he didn’t do it on purpose!” Leo almost shouts, “Nobody forgets things on purpose. But this is the kind of thing you’re also supposed to remember, and not purposefully either. You just remember it because you _care_.”

 

“Leo…”

 

Leo’s voice turns low again. “I remember when I was a child, and we had dinner together, all four of us. I can’t remember the last time it happened.”

 

Carles had told him that when their parents came over, Leo didn’t come down. He stayed up locked in his room for dinner, even though he ate together with Carles and Neymar now. That pained Carles, and the last time his parents came, he asked Neymar to take Leo to his flat, so he wouldn’t eat alone.

 

“You could eat with them when they come.”

 

Leo snorts, “Yeah, but that still wouldn’t be the same.”

 

A heavy silence settles between them. Neymar has a hard time swallowing, his mind racing fast to come up with things to say. It’s normal that Leo resents his parents for not being there – they are missing an important part of his life, and Neymar can’t imagine what that’s like. But he also knows from first-hand experience that Leo isn’t happier eating with him in his flat when his parents are there. Leo wants to see his parents because he loves them – and that’s why he resents them in the first place isn’t it? And Leo's parents – they’re busy being good people in other places, and they forget to be good people here; good parents. They did look tired and sad the last time Neymar saw them, but they are good people. They’re going at it wrong, but there’s nothing Neymar can tell _them_ ; he can only reach Leo.

 

“It’s still not the same now.” Leo says quietly, startling Neymar out of his thoughts. “But…” he looks up at him earnestly, “I’m glad you’re eating with us now, even if you suck at cooking and we have to take care of you.”

 

A shocked laughter leaves Neymar’s throat, and he stares at Leo with wide eyes.

 

“It won’t be the same, but if you ate at home, the next time my parents come… I might come too.”

 

Neymar is surprised, but he feels himself smile affectionately. Leo’s words and actions in the last few days tells him more about the way Leo feels about him than all the things that happened between them before that.

 

Leo’s lips quirk into a smirk, “I wouldn’t want to miss you trying to explain to them that you’re here every day because your neighbors forbad you from using your own kitchen.”

 

Neymar laughs whole heartedly, and Leo giggles dumbly too. That’s new – Leo being the one to defuse a tense atmosphere. Neymar has been quite useless and helpless at comforting Leo today, and he doesn’t like that. He wants to be able to make Leo feel better, because Leo can make _him_ feel better – he made him feel better now, and his chest feels warm, and he can’t stop laughing, because Leo cares, goddamn it, _he cares_.

 

 

\--

 

Leo is fifteen, and Neymar is twenty now, and he wants Leo to be fine, he wants him to be happy, he wants him to be healthy and to smile, to laugh and to love. He wants Leo to have everything, and he wants to give Leo everything. He wants Leo.

 

\--

 

 

Leo’s parents are supposed to come to his birthday. They talked about it the last time they came, and Neymar had watched Leo’s face, seen him trying to repress the joy he felt. His parents had looked happy too, glad they could make it to their son’s birthday, glad they would get to be here for that, at least.

 

The thing is, they can’t make it to Leo’s birthday. Leo doesn’t react when Carles tells him, but he’s haggard and apathetic the whole week. Neymar has to physically drag him down to eat (well, he says physically, but Leo is stronger than him now, and Neymar knows Leo just let him).

 

Carles and Neymar do their best to cheer him up, and even if his parents can’t come, they still throw one big-ass birthday party, with lots of foods, and they invite Leo’s friends from school. Ever since he joined the football club, he seems to have become popular, and it seems not a single member of his team has it in him to hate him. Actually, judging from those times he saw them play, they all seem to like him, ruffling his hair and hugging him when he scores.

 

(Neymar is jealous of that, because he wants to do that to, but mostly, it warms his heart – it warms his heart because Leo deserves the love, he fucking deserves it.)

 

They also get some of his friend from Rosario to come – three boys. There’s a rather tall one with a stern stance and creepy judgmental eyes. There is another one who, like Leo, seems to think long hair is the trendiest haircut, and he keeps it greasy like every boy his age, but he’s fun and outgoing so there’s that. The last one is outgoing too, as well as loud and exuberant. He’s sort of funny, but also a bit lame, and for some reason, he distrusts Neymar and Neymar distrusts him back.

 

The first boy is called Javier, but Neymar get the urge to call him by his last name, not to show him any disrespect; the second one goes by the name Pocho, and the first thing the third one tells him is to call him Kun, so Neymar doesn’t.

 

Leo is surprised when he comes home and they’re all here, but he smiles, a really big smile, and he looks stupid as hell, and when Leo comes to thank him later, looking _emotional_ , Neymar squeezes him hard, and Leo squeezes back just as hard, laughing.

 

It’s a great night.

 

Neymar offers Leo a cellphone. Leo looks surprised, but Neymar smiles, and tells him it’s easier than using the house phone and Leo grins back and hugs him again.

 

The first thing Leo does is put Kun’s number in his phone though, and Neymar squints and almost wants to take it back. He doesn’t even ask for Neymar’s number, and Neymar feels insulted. But Leo looks happy, like he’s not thinking about his parents’ absence at all, and Neymar doesn’t care about a stupid cell phone, he just wants Leo to enjoy this.

 

Apart from Carles and him, there are only teenagers, and thus Carles banned alcohol. Neymar still sneaked in a beer and he drinks it in front of the Kun boy to spite him, even though he hates beer. Kun and Leo seem really close, talking quietly and happily all through the night, and Leo lets Kun touch him and hug him.

 

Actually, he lets everyone hug him very easily, and Neymar feels a pang in his heart when he thinks it’s wasn’t that _hard_ eating at Leo’s personal space.

 

Whatever, it’s a happy night, and he ends up teaching high school boys how to get the girls, with Carles laughing in the back, mocking him, like _he_ was particularly good at that. Carles is already committed – he is _born_ committed – so what would he know about seduction?

 

Most of the boys crash the place for the night, and as everyone is dozing off in the living room, watching the entire Lord of the Rings trilogy, Neymar decides it’s time for him to go. He sits in the lobby to put on his shoes and Leo walks up to him quietly.

 

“Thank you for… for the party.” Leo’s voice is barely above a whisper, not to disturb his friends, and he’s fumbling with his phone, “and thank you for the phone.”

 

Neymar smiles kindly, “I wasn’t the one who organized it, you know. Carles did most of the job, I just cheered him on. You should thank your brother.”

 

Leo shakes his head, “I will, but I just meant that without you, I wouldn’t have—” he gestures behind him, to the mass of teenage boys lying everywhere, and Leo grimaces a bit, looking constipated as he loses his words. He groans, seemingly giving up and wrapping his arms around Neymar.

 

Neymar’s sitting, Leo flushing his head against his torso, and he can hear Leo’s heartbeat just under his ear. He hugs back, and Leo’s hands are gripping his hair, and he stills smells really good. Neymar closes his eyes, and doesn’t let go, not until Leo unwraps his arms and pushes him away softly. Leo looks down at him with dark eyes, and Neymar gulps, trying to find words to make the atmosphere less heavy.

 

He clears his throat, “The phone was my idea though, and I see how you’re thanking me; not even putting my number in.” He smiles, trying to pull off cool even though he’s flushed inside.

 

“I did. I know your number by heart.” Leo says, not missing a beat.

 

Neymar’s heart skips a beat and he stands up fast, his face heating up so he turns his back to Leo, and before leaving he says, “Be prepared, tomorrow I’m filling your phone with pictures!”

 

He feels Leo’s eyes on him as he opens the door hastily, and he thinks he hears Leo mutters “I don’t mind”, but his heart beats too loud and he chooses to believe that’s just wishful thinking.

 

 

\--

 

Leo is sixteen now, and he’s still so young, but Neymar isn’t delusional enough to deny that he’s in love with him.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah, I know what I'm doing but that's still not what I expected to write! Because Leo is younger, I was unable to duplicate Neymar and Leo's current relationship (at least for now) - but yet again, that's kind of the point of AUs.
> 
> This story is going to be 3 chapters long, and each chapter will last a year. So things will change and evolve as Leo grow up (quite literally at that - I did take 2 inches off of him here)
> 
> Also, as for the education system, I know each countries have different one, so here is the one I'm basing it on: high school lasts three years, from 15 to 18. The scholar year starts in September and ends in June, so the summer is holidays.
> 
> Well anyway, I'll try to get things done fast. Hope it interested you!


	2. Chapter 2

The thing is Carles has always wanted to leave. He’s always wanted to travel, to see the world. He’s not studying for nothing: he wants to follow in his parent’s step, be an ‘ _international hero’_ – except he laughs and shakes his head when Neymar uses the word, and whatever, Neymar thinks he may already be a hero anyway.

 

Carles has always thought big, and now – now Carles has a degree, and Leo is 16, arguably old enough to take care of himself. They’ve always known Carles would leave after his degree; Leo has known it his whole life – that he was holding Carles back. This humanitarian travel, this is Carles first topic of conversation with his girlfriend, where their dreams meet, and both Leo and he knew that when he obtained his degree, they’ll go ahead and live their dream. Leo actually encouraged this project, because _‘Carles has lived for me enough, now he should live for himself’_ and even that isn’t true, because Carles’ life would still be about people – Carles will always live for others.

 

Still, when July comes around and Carles starts packing, they’re all a bit startled – Leo, Neymar, and Carles. July is a bitter month, and none of them really forget Carles will be gone by August, but they still pretend nothing’s wrong.

 

Neymar seizes any occasion to take pictures, lots of them, and then he forces Leo into picking some to hang on his picture board. It’s already halfway full: many pictures have been pinned after Leo’s birthday party. There are also pictures of Leo with the football team, pictures at the amusement park, several pictures featuring a grinning Neymar and a disgruntled Leo. It looks fun, and Leo’s room doesn’t look so bland and empty now.

Leo plays football everyday – sometimes with his friends, sometimes with Neymar and Carles. Sometimes only with Neymar, when Carles is busy planning with his girlfriend, and those times they both play too hard, play until they’re dripping with sweat. When Leo drinks water straight for the bottle and it trickles down his chin, when he’s sweaty and he twirls around Neymar like Neymar means nothing, when they tackle each other in all the wrong ways and they stumble to the ground – Neymar doesn’t think about Carles then and Leo probably doesn’t either.

 

July comes with changes because Leo’s growing up. Literally growing up, and his clothes still fit him because he buys them too large, but he has already taken an inch, and Neymar lives in the fear that Leo will outgrow him.

 

Neymar gets a new tattoo, on his back, spelling _‘blessed’_ , and Leo squints at it, mumbling _‘I don’t get the meaning behind all your tattoos but at least it looks good on you’_ and Neymar doesn’t know whether it’s an insult or a compliment.

 

Later, Leo’s parents come over, stay for a few days, and Leo tells him _‘yeah, you’re truly blessed important people never disappoint_ _you’_.

 

Leo hasn’t really forgiven them for missing his birthday. He doesn’t eat with them on any of the meals they spend home, even though Neymar’s here and trying to bait him down. Carles is leaving, and Leo’s pouting, and Carles’ last week here isn’t really ideal. Leo avoids his parents like the plague, and he hides away either in his room or in Neymar’s flat when Neymar lets him.

 

Yet, when his parents go away again, not to be back for several months, he looks sad and guilty and regretful, like he always does when they leave. He doesn’t know how to deal with wanting to see his parents and enjoy their presence, and resenting them for not giving him the occasion to do so.

 

Neymar remembers some meals where Leo’s parents clearly had forgotten details about their son – a good grade, a new friend, a match outcome – and Leo always looks so pained. He doesn’t bother with niceties when he refuses to eat with them, yet on those small details that don’t seem important but that parents are supposed to remember – Leo keeps silent, doesn’t correct them. He doesn’t tell them they’re wrong, doesn’t repeat what he already told, he just gives up and let this detail slip from his parents’ mind. And his parents, blissfully unaware, just keep on excitedly, happy to be there with their son, happy to see him and eat with him finally and if Neymar hadn’t promised to be there, he thinks he’ll stay home sometimes because it’s painful to see.

 

Leo’s parents are trying so hard, and they’re failing so hard too, and Leo’s the one suffering from it. Neymar can’t even blame him for ignoring them during the summer. Neymar just sits on Leo’s bed and watches him, watches his conflicted face as he hears his parents leave for the airport, watches his fingers grasp at thin air like he wants to catch them back, watches the regret arise in his dark eyes. He watches and he hugs Leo, encases him in his arm despite his struggle, sticks Leo’s head under his chin and he holds Leo to give him the embrace he didn’t dare ask from his mom.

 

Carles’ last month here isn’t necessarily the best month, and all too soon August begins, and they have to drive Carles to the airport. Carles drives the car, for the last time. He’s lending it to Neymar for as long as he’s gone.

 

Neymar hugs Carles at the airport, tears in their eyes, and Carles whispers in his ear _‘Take care of him for me, please’._ Neymar doesn’t think he’s qualified to take care of anyone. Carles knows nothing of the way Neymar thinks about Leo – he doesn’t know Neymar is in so deep he’s becoming mad, but Neymar at least knows he will never act on his feelings. Leo is off limits and Neymar is not dumb enough to try anything.

 

So he nods and squeezes Carles harder.

 

He watches from afar as Carles talks to Leo in hushed whispers. Leo is quiet – he nods at best, head down and bangs covering his eyes. Carles cries and takes Leo in his arms. Leo wraps his arms around Carles and grips his clothes, and Neymar’s crying despite himself.

 

When their hug is over, Leo turns back to him and his eyes are dry. He doesn’t look at him, just follows him blindly back to the car. Leo doesn’t say a word on the drive back home, doesn’t let a tear out; he just fists his hand into his jeans, until the knuckles are white and trembling.

 

Leo’s house is exactly the same when they come back. Nothing has changed. And yet everything feels different – empty. Leo’s eyes swipe over the living room, take in everything, and there’s a noise in the back of his throat – a strangled noise, and then he starts crying. He covers his face with his hands to hide his tears, and he breathes fast, trying to keep the sobs in.

 

Neymar wants to cry again, because he’s never been very good at controlling his emotions, but he made a promise to Carles – he promised he’ll take of Leo, and it starts now. So he takes Leo’s hands away from his face, and hugs him, lets Leo buries his face in the crook of his neck and sobs, wet tears soaking Neymar’s shirt in no time. Neymar holds Leo tightly, as tightly as he can, and he caresses his hair in what he hopes is a soothing manner. He wants to talk but he doesn’t know what to say, so he just chokes Leo’s name out.

 

Leo comes back to his flat with him. Neymar tries to cook and Leo doesn’t stop him. He doesn’t eat what Neymar cooks, but yet again it’s so disgusting Neymar doesn’t either. When Neymar goes to bed, Leo crawls under his blanket and Neymar hugs him tightly. He can’t say whether Leo fell asleep during the night, but Leo is still clutching him when Neymar wakes up the next day.

 

 

\--

 

Leo is sixteen, and for all that he looks like he’s a loner, Neymar knows he’s scared of being alone, and Neymar will try his best to keep Leo from feeling lonely.

 

\--

 

 

September is coming around, and Leo has yet to leave Neymar’s flat. He’s been there 24/7, hasn’t stepped back into his house ever since Carles left barely a month ago. Neymar goes there sometimes to takes some of his clothes, and to make sure everything’s in order. It is – it’s silent and empty. Every time Neymar wants to encourage Leo to go back home, he thinks about the empty fridge and the rotten fruits, and the closed shutters and the ticking clock, and he gives up.

 

Leo’s helping him with the choirs – he’s cooking, mostly. He isn’t a bad cook, although there’s nothing special there. If he puts effort into it, it can actually be pretty good and he’s making progress. At the very least, Neymar has to admit he knows how to make the meat tender and tasty.

 

It’s September, and both high school and college will start in a few days, and Neymar decides to take Leo out to buy him some clothes. After all, Leo had taken some inches since the beginning of the summer. They were waiting for the growth spurt to be over before investing in a new wardrobe, but the doctors said he won’t grow any more now.

 

Two inches taller, that’s what Leo is. It’s different, yet not that much. Neymar wouldn’t have appreciated it, if Leo had grown taller than him, but he stopped just so he can still fit in Neymar’s arms, under his chin, so in the end it doesn’t matter that much. He’s still cute, small and stocky.

 

He brings Leo to the mall, and Dani comes with them. _Dani Alves_ , the one of his friend who has the best fashion sense. Leo met Dani several times, and he seems to appreciate him enough. Well, Neymar thinks Leo appreciates anyone who treats him kindly and actually makes an effort to engage him in a conversation.

 

They drag Leo from stores to stores, but Leo keeps rejecting the outfits they suggest. He doesn’t want the cow-themed jacket, doesn’t want to wear any snapback, doesn’t think Systeme Tchakap is a brand worth wearing, and Neymar should have expected that, coming from a boy who wears sweatpants and hoodies all the damn time.

 

“You need to wear pants that actually fit. What about a pair of jeans that is actually your size?”

 

“We should probably go to the kid store then.” Dani says, and Neymar laughs. They’ve been trading jokes about Leo’s size since the beginning of their journey, and admittedly, Leo looks about done.

 

“Ironic how you’re the one talking about fitting jeans.” Leo points to Neymar’s back, “I can see your ass from here.”

 

Neymar throws a quick look at the mirror, and indeed, his jeans are down to the middle of his ass, showing his underwear.

 

Neymar laughs. “That’s because it’s the way it fits _me_.”

 

In the end, they do reach a compromise. Leo buys tons of white shirts and jeans, which seems to be the epitome of fashion in his mind, but at least they all fit him perfectly.

 

When they’re done they go Dani’s place to use his pool. It’s the end of summer, but the city is still burning, and there’s nothing like a pool to cool you.

 

Dani’s house is huge, so big Neymar sometimes loses himself. Dani’s parents are at the top of a dairy products empire, and they actually _own_ a pet cow.

 

The pool is as extravagant as the rest of the house – statues, unnecessary bridges and dozens of lounging chairs. Once they all changed into swimsuits, Dani leaves to get the drinks. Leo’s walking to the pool, and Neymar gets in his way to stop him, looking down at him seriously. Leo seems puzzled.

 

“What?”

 

“You should use sunscreen.” Neymar hands him a tube as he talks.

 

Leo looks at the tube, scrunches up his nose and shakes his head. “No way.”

 

“Well, you’re not going into the pool if you don’t put sunscreen.”

 

“I won’t— it’s for kids!” He gestures widely to the tube, “The protection is so _high_ the sun rays might just bounce off of my skin.”

 

Neymar’s lips twitch in amusement, but he doesn’t budge an inch.

 

“Well that’s the point. What, you thought you could _tan_?” Leo opens his mouth but Neymar cuts him, mocking, “You’re so pale at this point, your ass is almost tanner than you.”

 

“That doesn’t make sense.”

 

“Well whatever. Look, you’re not going to tan. The only things you’ll get are sunburns. Is that what you want? To be red all over, and have nasty sunburns lines? School starts again soon; do you want to be mocked in the locker room when you undress?”

 

Leo looks like he wants to say something, like he’s trying really hard to find cutting words, and then he seemingly gives up. He takes the tube from his hand, and it looks like it pains him – he’s sporting the look of someone who’s being stabbed in the back, which might or might not be what he’s feeling like right now.

 

He glances up at Neymar, probably expecting him to step back but Neymar won’t move until Leo’s covered in cream and he knows for sure Leo won’t become a tomato. He stares Leo down as Leo starts putting cream on his face, on his arms and on his chest. He glances up a bit petulantly from time to time, and he’s being a bit half-assed, but at least he’s doing the job. Leo turns over and Neymar starts applying cream on his back too.

 

That may have been a part Neymar didn’t think over very thoroughly, because he struggles a bit not to linger too much, not to feel around Leo’s back muscles, not to trace his spine with his fingers.

 

When Neymar’s done, Leo attempts to walk to the pool again, but Neymar doesn’t move out of his way.

 

“You haven’t put any on your thighs.”

 

Leo looks annoyed. “I did.”

 

Neymar shakes his head. “Nope. You only put it on your calves, not your thighs.”

 

Leo makes an annoyed sound in the back of his throat, and he doesn’t look like he’s going to move anytime soon, so Neymar drops to his knees.

 

“If that’s how you’re going to be.” He opens the tube and starts applying the sunscreen on Leo’s thighs himself.

 

Once again, it may be something he didn’t think through enough, because he’s got Leo’s crotch near his head, and he feels thick hairs and strong thighs that tense under his hands. Leo doesn’t even try to help him. He’s looking down at Neymar, and Neymar _feels_ his eyes on him. Neymar darts a glance up at him, and Leo still looks annoyed, like he’s just waiting for Neymar to be done with it, but there’s also a spark of something in his eyes, something dark, and he’s looking down at Neymar kneeling with an intensity that sends shivers down Neymar’s spine.

 

It's impossible for Neymar not to think about the fact that he's kneeling down in front of Leo, impossible not to think about other reasons why Neymar could be kneeling down, and it's even more impossible when Leo's looking down at him, like guys tends to do when they're _watching_.

 

Neymar tries to be quick about it, tries to be rough not to linger, and he thinks he hears Leo’s breath hitches, but maybe that’s because he unintentionally pulled on his hairs.

 

When his task is over, he gets up, and he may be a bit weak in the knees, but he still flashes a grin at Leo, and the intensity that was in Leo’s eyes go away. Leo huffs and shakes his head, but he looks amused as he pushes Neymar aside, entering the pool one foot after the other.

 

Neymar hears a snort, and standing there with drinks in his hands is Dani, a knowing smirk on his face, and – Dani’s going to be a pain, Neymar knows it.

 

Leo and he stays over for dinner, and Dani takes jabs at Neymar the whole time, insinuates things, throws smug looks at Neymar every time his hand so much as brushes against Leo, whispers in his ears he’s glad Neymar finally found someone his age. But before they leave, he also takes him aside and tells him good luck, and that if he wants to talk he’ll laugh at him but he’ll listen nonetheless. Neymar didn’t expect anything less from Dani.

 

They got several new pictures from today to put on Leo’s wall. Leo hasn’t gone back home yet, but Neymar goes there to hang on new pictures ( _at the football court, cooking, eating ice creams_ ), so when Leo decides to go back home, he’ll have new things to discover.

 

(Neymar hopes it will help battle off the feeling that the house is unmoving, unchanging, _dead_ )

 

Leo might be discovering this sooner than expected, because once they’re back at Neymar’s, Leo announces he’s going back to his house tonight.

 

That startles Neymar, and he feels a rush, wants to say _‘no it’s too soon, just stay there one more day or forever’_.

 

Instead he says “You’re sure? I don’t mind—”

 

“Yeah, I know you don’t mind.” Leo blinks a few times, unfocused. “I just need to gather my stuff and I’ll go.”

 

Leo leaves, his arms full of shopping bags. Neymar watches from the windows, just a tiny black figure walking away. Neymar wants to take him back.

 

Leo’s house is silent, and dusty, and it will be the first time in forever Leo is actually there alone – really alone.

 

(No friends, no parents, no Neymar, no brother; no one that can surface through the silence.)

 

He’s going to spend the night alone, and it shouldn’t matter if you’re alone when you sleep, and yet imagining it makes Neymar sick. He has to keep himself from calling Leo, from coming over, because Leo needs to do this. He needs to get used to that empty house of his, and Neymar would only hold him back.

 

Neymar knows Leo is strong enough to overcome it, stronger than Neymar because Neymar could do anything, could face anything, but he’ll never stand feeling alone. Back when he didn’t know Carles and Leo, he was rarely home, always out, always with friends and with the crowd, because he felt himself fade when he stayed alone for too long.

 

Neymar’s lying in his bed, unable to find sleep, when his phone vibrates. _‘Thanks for the pictures’_ from Leo, and Neymar thinks that still and motionless pictures are the only things that keep Leo company right now.

 

 

\--

 

Leo is sixteen, and Neymar’s world seems to revolve around Leo now, but Leo’s alone, and he thinks Leo’s world may be revolving around Neymar too.

 

\--

 

 

In October Leo’s facial hairs are starting to become a problem.

 

Well, Leo has always had hairs – on his arms, on his legs, most likely on his crotch (or so Neymar likes to imagine). Neymar loves Leo’s hairy hands and hairy arms, but up until now, there hadn’t been many hairs on his face. Some lonely hairs grew on Mondays, which Leo shaved roughly and that was it for the week. But Leo had grown, is still growing, and his facials hairs are starting to become an issue.

 

Neymar has nothing against facials hairs, he loves stubbles and beards just as much as the next guy, but it just wasn’t meant for teenagers. Hairs don’t grow evenly on Leo’s face, and every time he shaves he misses some on his neck, or on his chin, and Neymar thinks it is high time he does something about it.

 

Leo comes to his place for dinner and when they’re done washing the dishes, Neymar corners him against the counter.

 

“You need to shave.”

 

“I’m shaved.” He passes a hand over his chin and amends, “Mostly.”

 

“You’re too young to grow a beard and shaving once a week doesn’t cut it anymore. Not to mention you obviously don’t know how to shave correctly in the first place.”

 

Leo looks at him warily, “And so…?”

 

“So I’ll teach you. Starting with a basic razor.”

 

“I honestly don’t want to be anywhere near you while I handle a razor – or anything sharp for that matter.”

 

“Don’t worry; you won’t be the one handling it. I will.”

 

“That’s not actually reassuring.”

 

Neymar rolls his eyes and forcefully drags Leo to the bathroom. Neymar is actually a bit surprised Leo lets himself be dragged more or less willingly (Neymar isn’t delusional – at this point, Leo is stronger than he is), but when they’re in the bathroom and Neymar gets the shaving cream out, Leo tries to sneak away.

 

Some battle ensues, Leo refusing to sit on the bathtub like a good boy, but it’s over when Neymar trips him and sits down on his stomach. He brandishes the razor, and Leo stops struggling, looking apprehensively at the razor.

 

“Give up, Messi. You lost this battle.”

 

Leo raises his hands slowly, above his head, mimicking surrender.

 

Neymar moves to allow Leo to sit up, and then he plops down in Leo’s laps, to prevent any further escape. He sits between Leo’s legs, his own legs stretched out on either sides of Leo’s waist, his thighs against Leo’s thighs, and that may not be the most natural position but Neymar pretends it’s necessary to trap Leo in place.

 

“Next time I’ll show you how to do use an electric razor.”

 

He ties Leo’s hair into a little ponytail at the back of his head to keep it out of his face, but some bangs still escape the bun and frame Leo’s face. He tucks those behind Leo’s ears, and he starts putting the shaving cream on his face. It looks kind of cute afterwards, definitely funny, and he can’t resist taking a picture despite Leo’s protests.

 

He brings the razor close to Leo’s face, and slowly sets to work. Once Leo’s done staring warily at the razor, Neymar feels his eyes swipes over him, over his face, over his throat. Neymar talks softly, gives Leo instructions and tricks. He’s so close to Leo, there really is no point being loud, and Leo’s eyes focus on his lips every time he resumes talking.

 

Leo turns his head when Neymar makes him, and he keeps obediently still otherwise. Neymar’s careful, not to hurt him, but it still doesn’t take very long. He cleans Leo’s face with a towel gently when he’s done, and he passes his hand over Leo’s smooth skin, proud of his work.

 

Leo is still staring at his lips, and yet Neymar isn’t talking anymore.

 

Neymar wants to make fun of Leo for that, wants to grin and show him how clean-shaved he looks. He wants to move back, because they are close enough that he feels Leo’s breath on his face, close enough that Neymar can see Leo’s eyelashes and the pores of his skin.

 

He doesn’t move back, doesn’t tell Leo to stop staring, and it’s already too late anyway – a heavy atmosphere settled between them, tense with something Neymar refuses to put a name on. He’s mesmerized by Leo’s eyes, half-lidded and focused on his lips, and he doesn’t really think when he starts talking again.

 

“Say Leo.” Neymar’s voice startles Leo, who looks up quickly. “Have you ever kissed a girl?”

 

Neymar watches Leo’s eyelashes flutter as he blinks several times.

 

“What?” Leo’s voice is soft, and he sounds almost sleepy.

 

“Have you ever kissed a girl?”

 

Leo’s eyes keep darting down to his lips even as he’s shaking his head in denial.

 

“You want me to teach you?”

 

Neymar’s heart is beating incredibly fast, and he knows he should stop there, he knows he’s overstepping lines he never thought he would cross; he knows he can’t pretend he’s joking, but he can’t stop.

 

Leo nods.

 

Neymar kisses him.

 

He kisses Leo. He presses his lips against Leo’s, a light pressure, a contact that doesn’t last long. He moves back and Leo’s eyes are wide open, a soft hue on his cheeks.

 

“If you keep your eyes open it’s creepy. Close them.”

 

Leo obeys, and Neymar dives back in, pressing his lips harder, angling his head so their noses won’t bump. Leo tries to follow him when he draws back again, but Neymar puts a hand on his jaw and holds him in place.

 

“Let me”

 

The next time he kisses Leo, it’s a bit messier. He forces Leo’s mouth open and he engages him in a wet kiss, moves back when Leo tries to involve his tongue. Leo’s eyelashes are fluttering against his cheeks, and Neymar knows he isn’t closing his eyes like Neymar asked him. But it’s only normal to be curious, and he imagines Leo, eyes half-open, crossing his eyes to look at Neymar and Neymar doesn’t really mind.

 

Leo starts getting the message that tongue shouldn’t be involved until Neymar says so, so Neymar indulges him and laps at his tongue, leads him into a real make out session.

 

Leo tastes good, and he smells good, and he’s soft. He’s hesitant and he’s eager, and he’s breathless. For some reason, Neymar finds himself to be hesitant, eager and breathless too.

 

Some of Leo’s bangs tickle Neymar’s cheeks, and Leo’s jaw feels strong under his hand. Neymar breaks the kiss several times, letting them get fresh air before he angles his head another way and dives right back in, but each and every time Leo follows him, almost bites his lips trying to make him stay.

 

Leo’s hands are gripping his hips, gripping them so hard Neymar thinks they might bruise, so hard he feels those hands trembling, so hard he feels them sweaty and clammy even through his shirt. Leo’s whole posture is tense, his whole body – from the thighs under his own, to the jaw under his hand.

 

Leo’s trying to follow Neymar’s steps, trying to copy the things he does, and it’s a bit messy, a bit sloppy, yet again kissing isn’t about symmetry and mathematics and physics. It’s about being heated and intense, giving and taking and wanting, and right now Neymar wants _so bad_. He nibbles and licks Leo’s lips, and he’s not teaching him anything right now, not giving him lessons – he’s just enjoying what he can, taking what he can, desperate and eager as much as Leo is.

 

He can’t hear anything past their labored breathings, past the wet sounds of their kiss, past his beating heart. He doesn’t have anything else but _Leo Leo Leo_ on his mind right now, and he doesn’t want there to be anything else. He wants more, needs more. Needs frictions and reliefs, needs a hand down his pants and a hand down his ass, he needs—

 

He moves, trying to straddle Leo properly, bringing his crotch against Leo when he does so, which is probably what he was unconsciously aiming for, yet when their crotches rub against each other and Neymar moans, both of them stop, because they’re rock hard, hard as fuck, hard for each other, and it’s Leo, dear God it’s Leo—

 

Neymar breaks the kiss and moves back, and they’re both staring at each other, chest heaving and wide eyed and shocked, hard dicks pressed against each other, and Neymar is such an idiot, _he’s such an idiot_.

 

Neymar gets up, as fast as he can, so fast it makes him dizzy. He stumbles a bit, and Leo doesn’t move. He seems frozen in place, shock and disbelief written all over his face.

 

Neymar opens his mouth, tries to think of something to say but there’s nothing, his mind is blank, and he still remembers himself moaning a few seconds ago – his mouth obviously can’t be trusted. Neymar does the easiest thing and turns around, exiting the bathroom as fast as he can. He locks himself in his room, and sits with his back against the closed door.

 

Fuck, fuck it, _what the hell had taken over him_. Neymar never meant to act out of his feelings, because it’s Leo and Neymar is supposed to be there for him, not to use Leo for his own pleasure. Yet he couldn’t help it, and his lips are almost numb from the kiss, and he feels light-headed. Most of all, he’s hard, so damn hard, and there is really nothing for it.

 

He closes his eyes, and for the umpteenth times in more months that he can count, he slips a hand down his short. Except this isn’t like those other times, because this time he’s still reeling from having actually _kissed_ Leo. This time Leo is there, in his flat, and Neymar has kept himself in check when Leo was there in the summer, but this time Leo’s there and _Leo has a boner too_. It’s the first time he’s aroused because he actually got to touch Leo, and Leo was there and he saw it, and when Neymar will walk out of his room, bulge gone, Leo will _know_.

 

He does it anyway, wraps his hand around his dick, and it’s the same old hand he’s always jerked off with, but this time he is still buzzing with Leo’s scent and taste, and he’s already over the edge. He jerks fast and comes fast, biting his fist not to moan.

 

He doesn’t dare take his fist out of his mouth to catch his breath, fears he’ll call out Leo’s name like he did so many times before. His heart is thundering, but nothing is louder than the noise of the front door slamming – Leo left.

 

 

\--

 

Leo’s sixteen, and Neymar’s twenty, and he fears he may have gone too far, yet they never talk about it, they pretend it never happened, and still the only words burning on Neymar’s mind are whether Leo jerked off after.

 

\--

 

 

It’s December, and Neymar has a boyfriend.

 

Well, Neymar says boyfriend, but it’s not serious for either of them. Neymar was getting a bit too obsessed with Leo, and he needed some change in the scenery. Mostly, he needed to get laid.

 

The guy’s handsome, tall, and ripped. He walks with confidence and his voice is loud. He is a perfect example of what a guy is expected to be, of what _men_ except other men to be. His name is Gabriel, and isn’t that beautiful name? He acts like it is and he lives by the views he thinks others have of him.

 

(He thinks he fucks like a god, which isn’t really true, but it’s good enough and Neymar isn’t searching for the stars, he just wants to get fucked.)

 

The guy is nothing like Leo, is supposedly better Leo, and yet nothing changes – Neymar stills wants Leo.

 

Leo’s a bit busy with football right now, so Gabriel is often here in the afternoons, and he leaves before Leo comes over for dinner. Neymar doesn’t tell Leo, but he’s not really trying to hide it either. It’s not something that will last, not something that matters; Neymar doesn’t think it’s worth mentioning.

 

One day Leo comes over earlier than usual, and Gabriel is still there. There’s not point lying to Leo, not when there’s a hickey on Neymar’s neck and Gabriel walks around shirtless like he owns the place. Neymar is just glad Leo didn’t come over ten minutes earlier, because there are still some things he’d rather Leo didn’t see.

 

Neymar makes the presentation, and Leo doesn’t move for some seconds, stares wide-eyed at Gabriel and he looks taken off guard, fragile. Neymar feels like something’s wrong, maybe something happened and that’s why Leo’s here, and he’s this close to telling Gabriel to leave, but then Leo enters into motion. He frowns and switches his focus to look at Neymar, and then he glances back at Gabriel, and does so several times.

 

Neymar’s feeling apprehensive, he can’t shake off the feeling that something’s off, but Leo speaks, finally. “Practice ended early, can I hang out here?”

 

The knot inside Neymar’s stomach eases off and Neymar nods, smiling.

 

They eat together, and Leo barely utters a word. That’s not surprising, coming from Leo. He doesn’t know Gabriel, and Gabriel isn’t the type of person that makes Leo comfortable. Leo just watches them talk, swipes his focus back and forth between the two of them, and after some fruitless tries, Gabriel stops trying to make him join the exchange.

 

Later they settle down on Neymar’s couch to watch a movie, and Leo stays over, surprisingly. He flops down next to Neymar, sticking his head against his thigh, and he curls up so he can fit in the space left on the couch. Neymar starts petting Leo’s head, playing with his hair. That’s not something unusual, and despite the first few times where Leo glared at him, now he doesn’t keep Neymar from touching his hair when they’re watching a movie. Actually, Leo doesn’t resist Neymar touching his hair at all anymore. Neymar plays with it absentmindedly, and he thinks Leo must find it agreeable, after all.

 

When the movie’s over, he walks Leo back to the door.

 

“I meant to tell you” Leo starts, mumbling and head down while he’s putting his shoes on, “my parents are coming over for Christmas.”

 

He looks hesitant, like he always does when he’s talking about his parents, and he never knows whether he should be happy or bitter. Neymar thinks that may be why Leo looked so strange when he came in and saw Neymar’s boyfriend – he wanted to talk.

 

“Oh, is that why you looked so serious? I’m sorry Leo, if I had known, I would have told Gabriel to leave...”

 

Neymar feels bad now, because that had been uncharacteristic of Leo – spending the evening with someone he didn’t know like that, and now Neymar thought it might have been because he wanted to talk, needed to talk, and really Neymar wished he had acted on his instinct and kicked Gabriel out.

 

Leo’s done tying his shoes, and he stands up. He tilts his head to the side and squints, and he looks like he disagrees with Neymar.

 

“That’s not really—I mean, I would have come over anyway, but. I just wanted to tell you.”

 

Neymar nods, “We’ll talk about it tomorrow if you want? It’s good news, your parents coming over for Christmas… I can grow a white beard and dress as Santa to supervise the meeting, if you want.”

 

Leo laughs. “I’d rather not.” He smiles, and Neymar hugs him. He squeezes maybe a bit too tight, because Leo probably needs it right now. He hasn’t seen his parents since the summer – and that didn’t go very well. It’s a great opportunity to mend things back if only a bit, and Neymar will be damned if he lets Leo give up on that.

 

Half an hour later, he’s on his all fours on his couch, and Gabriel is fucking him.

 

“It’s good, uh?”

 

Neymar considers telling him it’s probably better for him than for Neymar, but that’s mean, and it’s good enough anyway. He’s hard, and he’s feeling good. He wishes Leo was the one touching him like that, that Leo’s hands were the one caressing his back, that Leo’s pelvis was the one pressing against his ass. He wishes it was Leo’s voice, and Leo’s scent, and Leo’s dark eyes on him. But he can’t blame the guy for not being Leo – nobody’s Leo, and nobody’s good enough to be.

 

He’s shaken out of his reverie by Gabriel’s voice.

 

“—fucking dumb.”

 

“Hm? What?”

 

“That kid, your neighbor, he’s dumb, isn’t he?”

 

Neymar can’t quite believe what he’s hearing.

 

“What?”

 

“He’s so silent and creepy. He’s hanging off of you like a leech. He’s autistic or some shit?”

 

“ _What?”_

 

“I feel bad for you. Do you get paid to babysit him?”

 

It’s twisting his stomach, tying knots with his guts, and it’s anger that Neymar is feeling. His fists are clenched, and he suddenly hates the way his body is rocking with Gabriel’s thrusts.

 

“Stop.” He says in between clenched teeth.

 

“Sorry, what?”

 

There’s still the sound of balls slapping against his skin.

 

“ _Stop_.” He repeats, and he doesn’t wait for Gabriel to understand, he just sits up.

 

It’s a quick movement, and he sits up fast-enough that he headbutts Gabriel, right in the nose, earning a whimper. Gabriel’s dick slips out of his ass as he gets off the couch, searches for his boxer and puts it back on.

 

“ _What the fuck are you doing?”_

 

He turns back, and Gabriel is holding his nose, blood flowing through his fingers.

 

“You suck at sex; it makes me flaccid.” Neymar smirks, but his eyes are filled with anger and rage. It's not totally false anyway: sure enough, Neymar is losing his boner quite fast, faster than ever in his life before. He waves a hand towards the lobby without looking, “Door’s this way.”

 

Gabriel looks angry, not foolish enough to believe Neymar, but shallow enough to have pride where it doesn’t matter.

 

“Over this dumb brat? _Really_?”

 

“Yes really. _Leo_ is not dumb, and he is not a brat. Also it’s my place, and I asked you and your lame dick to get the fuck out.”

 

Gabriel is red with anger, and he takes two long strides towards Neymar until he’s in his personal space. He extends a hand towards him and Neymar flinches, then tenses when Gabriel grabs his neck violently. He has to stand on his tiptoes not to choke, but he doesn’t back down and glares.

 

“Don’t provoke me.” Gabriel is seething. He thinks he looks menacing, he thinks he’s the prototype of the alpha male, but all Neymar sees is hurt pride and aborted orgasm fueling his rage, and his nose is bloody – he’s red all over and he looks like a bull.

 

Neymar spits at him. “What are you gonna do? I’ve heard you whimper when you come, you really think there’s anything you can do to impress me?”

 

Neymar struggles to get the words out, Gabriel’s hand squeezing the side of his neck hard, but his efforts aren’t vain because he’s suddenly pushed back roughly. Neymar can’t find his balance and trips over his own feet, and it’s just his luck that he fall head first against the corner of the coffee table.

 

He thinks he hits his eyebrows; yet again the pain that takes him over instantly is too white and strong for him to be certain. There’s a buzzing sound in his head and he feels like all the blood has drained from his brain. He isn’t entirely certain he can see, but he hears steps in the back, mutters and the front door slamming. The sound resonates through his head, an earthquake that shakes his skull and vibrates in his whole being, and Neymar whimpers.

 

He thinks he faints, but he can’t be so sure. Still, when he stops feeling like his head is about to explode, he touches his eyebrows and some of the blood has already started to dry. Not all of it, and when Neymar sits up painstakingly, some blood trickles down his face. He tries to wipe it roughly with the back of his hand – Neymar thinks he’s fine, probably.

 

There’s a dirty used condom on the floor but apart from that Gabriel took all his stuff with him and Neymar thinks he won’t be coming back any time soon.

 

He takes his phone on the coffee table and stands up slowly. He stumbles and wobbles a few times, but he makes it to his bedroom, and flops down on his bed heavily.

 

Leo is probably sleeping by now, but Neymar still feels the need to send him a text. _‘Single again’_ it says. Then he closes his eyes, tries not to think about the fact he feels his heartbeat in his head, in his temple and in his face. He feels like if he looked at himself in a mirror right now, he would see his face thrumming.

 

There’s a sudden music filling the room, some Brazilian music that goes hard and usually makes Neymar feel good, but that’s not doing anything for his head right now. His phone is ringing, and Leo’s the one calling.

 

Neymar answers the phone, and his voice is groggy and raspy. “Leo?”

 

“Why did you break up?

 

Leo doesn’t bother with niceties. Neymar wants to make a pun, something along the lines of _‘it’s not my fault I’m broken, it’s the coffee shop’_ but he thinks Leo might not appreciate the joke for what it is.

 

“Why are you calling at” Neymar looks at the time on his phone, “2 am?” It was barely midnight when Leo left, and Neymar thinks he may have been out for longer that he thought.

 

“Why did you break up?” Leo repeats, sounding annoyed.

 

“He had explosive diarrhea.”

 

“…What?”

 

Leo doesn’t seem to appreciate this joke either.

 

“You know, it made sex a bit difficult, so I let him go.”

 

“It’s—” Leo seems to be at a loss of words, probably wondering why he bothered being worried in the first place, which is really how Neymar is trying to make him feel. “What does that have to do with anything? Aren’t you the one who—”

 

Leo cuts himself off, and then he is oddly silent, and it takes Neymar some seconds to understand what he was trying to imply. When he does he laughs until he’s breathless.

 

“Oh my god, Leo!” He can’t see Leo but he knows he’s blushing, knows he’s filling with regrets and remorse as he hears Neymar’s high-pitched giggles in the phone. “It doesn’t matter because I’m the one getting fucked, right?” He hears Leo make a pained embarrassed noise at the end of the line, and Neymar needs some seconds to catch his breath. “You’ve actually assumed I would be the one taking it up the ass! Oh Leo, please tell me about it, are you finally growing up and thinking about sex?”

 

“That’s not what I meant.” Leo mumbles, sounding like a disgruntled child.

 

“This is _exactly_ what you meant!”

 

“I- You’re an ass. I’m hanging up.”

 

“No, no, don’t! It’s too good; you need to tell me more, Leo!” Neymar’s efforts are vain, and the line is already dead. Neymar rolls over to bury his head into his pillow, giggling.

 

A bit later, he regrets laughing so much, the blood pounding in his head even livelier than before. But even this pain can’t dampen Neymar’s smile, can’t keep the affectionate thoughts away. Leo’s voice, low and hoarse, was soothing, and Gabriel doesn’t know a single thing about Leo, he really doesn’t.

 

He was supposed to take Leo to school the day after, which is something he only remembers when the sound of the front door closing wakes him up. Leo has a key to the building, and he’s the only one, but Neymar doesn’t find the strength to get up and greet him. Leo doesn’t come into his room directly, and Neymar thinks he must stop at his living room – discarded clothes, half-empty lube, used condom and Neymar wonders if there is blood on the coffee table.

 

Leo finds him into his room. He thinks Neymar is depressed because he broke up with his boyfriend, which actually sounds funny enough to Neymar that he tries to laugh. Leo doesn’t laugh; when he sees the dried blood on his face and the bruises around his neck, he doesn’t laugh at all. He looks like he’s angry, and worried, and Neymar thinks that’s sweet, really.

 

Leo doesn’t believe him when he says he fell on the coffee table – a coffee table doesn’t leave fingerprints around your neck. Leo’s not completely stupid; he knows what happened, even if he doesn’t have the details of it. He doesn’t need the details of it. That’s not something he wants Leo to involve himself in, and what would Leo do anyway?

 

Leo still forces Neymar to get a check-up at the hospital, but as Neymar thought it’s nothing _really_ serious. Leo looks angry with him for days after that – he looks angry but he stays over at Neymar’s place anyway, sleeps over and imposes his anger on him. Neymar thinks he’s angry because Neymar didn't tell him anything when he had him on the phone, and he’s angry because Neymar won’t tell him anything now.

 

(Neymar doesn’t think telling Leo that he broke Gabriel’s nose would help, but when Neymar sees Gabriel’s face at college two days later, it makes Neymar feel better.)

 

 

\--

 

Leo’s sixteen, and Neymar has felt protective of him ever since the beginning. It’s his duty, to protect Leo, but sometimes Neymar feels Leo might be the one protecting him, and Neymar wants to protect him from that burden, too.

 

\--

 

 

There are two weeks in March where Neymar doesn’t see Leo at all. A group project is taking all his time, and he can’t even eat with Leo in the evening. So Friday night, when the project is finally finished, Neymar immediately heads to Leo’s house.

 

He opens the door silently, and creeps up the stairs, wanting to surprise Leo. He barges into his room, slamming the door against the wall and being as loud as possible as he yells ‘ _LEO’_.

 

Leo jumps out of his chair, visibly woken up from an impromptu nap on his desk. He looks like a deer caught in the headlight when he looks at Neymar. Neymar smirks for a second, before taking in the state of Leo’s bedroom and frowning.

 

The room is dark, shutters closed and from the smell it’s been closed for several days. There is garbage littered on the floor – take outs and dirty clothes – and Leo himself is wearing very loose clothes that look like they haven’t been washed in days. Actually, Leo himself looks like he hasn’t been washed in days.

 

Neymar scrunches up his nose, “What is this?”

 

Leo shrugs. “I was feeling lazy.”

 

“Yeah, that’s a good way to sum it up.” Neymar takes a look around again, and focuses back on Leo and his greasy hair, parted in the middle and really, Neymar thought they were over that.

 

He pulls Leo up and starts dragging him to the bathroom.

 

“What are you doing?”

 

“I’m going to get you clean, and then I’m taking you out to celebrate me.” He flashes Leo a grin, “My project was awesome; we’re going to rock our teacher’s world.”

 

Once in the bathroom, he lets Leo clean his face and shave, while he tries to arrange his room a bit. There’s no way he’s staying while Leo’s shaving – they may have never talked about _it_ , but they can’t really forget it happened.

 

It’s a bit weird, being the one to take care of Leo’s things, tidying his room. Well, mostly taking out the garbage and opening the windows, but still, that’s new.

 

Leo’s rinsing his face when Neymar comes in again, and Neymar can only see the back of his head – greasy single strands of hair.

 

“And now we’re going to wash your hair.”

 

Leo dries his face with a towel. “My hair is fine.”

 

“No it’s not, it’s disgusting.” He points the bathtub. “Kneel down and lower your head, I’ll make your hair shiny and fluffy and… clean. Yeah clean is a good start.”

 

Leo frowns but obeys – Leo never opposes much more than verbal resistance and most of the time his desire to be passive seems to lead him into being obedient. (Then there are the time Leo doesn’t want to obey, and doesn’t want to passive, and Neymar has never known what do to with those times)

 

Neymar sits next to Leo’s and tests the water, before gently wetting Leo’s hair. He takes the shampoo and proceeds to wash Leo’s hair. Leo’s head is hanging upside down over the edge, and Neymar can’t actually see his eyes. He’s careful when he shampoos his hair, and he takes some time to actually massage Leo’s head, like a hairdresser would. He must be decent at it, because Leo lets out a content sigh.

 

“I can’t believe you have so little respect for the time and money I put into your hair.”

 

“You didn’t put any money into it, you make me buy products.”

 

“Well I put time into it, and time is money, therefore I could be rich by now if it wasn’t for you.”

 

Leo laughs and tries to shake his head – an action hindered by Neymar’s hands, holding firmly onto his head.

 

“You’re never going to get a girl with hair like that.”

 

“Neither will you.”

 

Neymar slides his hands down and tries to get shampoo into Leo’s eyes. Leo laughs and shakes his head, battling his hands away.

 

“My hair is definitely better than yours, and at the very least it’s not greasy. The proof is – I definitely get more girls than you.”

 

Leo doesn’t answer immediately; Neymar thinks he might be reflecting the depth and truthfulness of his words.

 

“Why do you always talk about girls?” Leo asks quietly.

 

“Hmm?” He starts rinsing Leo’s hair, which keeps Leo from talking, and it’s not until he’s completely done and he allows Leo to turn around that Leo speaks again.

 

“Why do you always talk about girls?” he repeats – it seems Neymar heard fine the first time. Neymar takes a towel and starts drying Leo’s hair.

 

“I don’t always talk about girls.”

 

“No, but I mean – when you talk about love things, you always talk about girls, even though you’re— you know.” Leo mumbles the last part, blushing slightly.

 

“Into dude?” Neymar provides helpfully, and Leo nods. “Well I never said I was.”

 

Leo raises his head to look at him, puzzled.

 

“I mean, I never said I was into anything exclusively. I’m talking about girls because most guys like girls. There’s no point in telling _you_ how to get a man – though really, greasy hair won’t get you anyone for that matter.”

 

Neymar blow-dries Leo’s hair while Leo seems to mull over his words. When Neymar’s done, Leo looks clean and his hair looks soft.

 

“There, you look super nice like that!” Once Leo will have changed into some more fitting outfit, he might even look handsome.

 

Apparently, Leo isn’t very interested in his appearance though.

 

“But I never said I was straight, too.” He says quietly, looking at the floor.

 

Neymar looks at Leo dubiously. “Well, are you into boys?”

 

Leo shrugs. “I don’t know.”

 

Neymar frowns. “Then are you into girls?”

 

Leo shrugs again.

 

Neymar scrunches up his nose. “Are you into animals? Because for all that I love you I won’t hesitate to call the police.”

 

Leo slaps his head. “Idiot” he says, with a smile on his face.

 

“But here’s a way for you,” Neymar shares helpfully, “who do you jerk up to?” Neymar takes in Leo’s appearance, and amends, “except if you don’t jerk off at all, which is fine too – I know a dude like that, he’s working in the college’s canteen, and he doesn’t let anyone touches him ever, but he gives me the biggest cake pieces, so I’d say as long as you give cake to the good people, it doesn’t really matter whether—”

 

“Neymar!’ Leo says a bit loudly; to cut off Neymar’s rambling. He resumes more quietly, “I do masturbate.”

 

Neymar wants to tease him for saying _‘masturbate’_ instead of jerking off, like the word might burn his tongue, but he refrains for Leo’s sake.

 

“And who do you think about then?”

 

“Uh… Someone.” Leo looks uncomfortable, but he doesn’t lower his eyes and he keeps looking at Neymar despite the soft blush on his cheeks.

 

“Someone? One person?” Neymar smiles gently, “do you have a crush?”

 

Leo nods hesitantly. “Yeah.”

 

A part of Neymar feels a bit cold, jealous and defeated – Leo has a crush, and if this crush has any sense he’ll return Leo’s feelings. But what worries Neymar the most is the part of himself that doesn’t feel sad, the part of himself that is happy for Leo, happy that’s he loving people and wanting things, and that just wants him to be happy and have a lover and go on dates and everything. This is the part that scares him the most – it’s too caring, too affectionate, too _loving_ , and Neymar doesn’t think he’ll ever get over Leo.

 

Instead of feeling like he just lost all the chances he didn’t even have in the first place, he wants to support Leo and help him, because that may be the first time Leo has feelings for someone.

 

So he smiles at Leo encouragingly. “And is it a boy or a girl?”

 

“A boy.”

 

“Well, then at least you know you don’t mind guys.” Neymar ponders on it for a few seconds before asking tentatively, “You know if he likes you back?”

 

Leo doesn’t answer immediately. He stares at Neymar, seems to pierce his soul with his eyes. Neymar doesn’t think his question warrants such an intense look on Leo’s face, yet Leo’s voice is unwavering and dead serious when he finally answers.

 

“Yeah, he does.”

 

 

\--

 

Leo is sixteen, and Neymar might be losing him, but it’s not like he ever had him in the first place.

 

\--

 

 

Neymar doesn’t get to celebrate Leo’s birthday with him. Well, Leo says it’s only fair, since Neymar didn’t celebrate his birthday with him either.

 

Leo’s parents have three weeks off, and that’s a lot, and Carles is coming back for the occasion. The four of them will be going to Rosario, and they won’t be back before July. Neymar’s a bit bummed, because he’s going to miss both Leo’s birthday and Carles’ temporary coming back, and he hasn’t seen Carles properly since last summer.

 

Leo is happy though, overjoyed at the prospect of this travel, and this is all that matters in the end. That will be the first time in almost two years that he’ll be back in his hometown, and he’ll finally see his brother after a year of frustrating skyping. He’s so gleeful he even has trouble hiding the boyish joy he feels at the idea of spending three weeks with his parents, even if Neymar has no doubt things won’t go smoothly – it’s never quite so easy.

 

He still buys a cake for Leo’s birthday, and sends Leo a picture. Leo calls him.

 

“Is that supposed to be for me?”

 

Neymar nods even though Leo can’t see him, and he tries to talk through his full mouth, “Yesh it ish.”

 

“…Then why is there your name on it?”

 

Neymar swallows and looks down at the cake – _‘congratulations Neymar’_ it says – and he smiles.

 

“Well you’re not here anyway, so I might as well appreciate myself for achieving a nice cake!”

 

“There’s no way you cooked that yourself.”

 

“Well, I wrote it myself though. I was supposed to write _‘congratulations Leo’_ actually, but I was so proud of myself when the ‘congratulations’ came out perfectly that I felt like I needed a reward.”

 

Leo laughs into the phone.

 

“And what did you get _me_ for my birthday?”

 

“I haven’t bought anything yet, but I think I’ll get you an electric razor.” Neymar answers. Leo’s been needing one as of late, and he thinks Leo might appreciate the time-saving – it’s an opportunity to wake up later after all.

 

Neymar doesn’t really think about his words until he realizes Leo isn’t talking anymore.

 

 _Right_ – so a razor might not have been the best idea, considering.

 

When Leo speaks again, he sounds weird, almost breathless.

 

“It sucks.”

 

Neymar doesn’t really know what to say, how to react, because Leo’s words could be playful, or petulant, or even reproachful or angry, but instead Leo almost sounds grave.

 

Neymar doesn’t have the time to come up with anything to say before Leo’s speaking again.

 

“Can’t you give me something else?” Leo doesn’t even sound childish or demanding. He doesn’t sound like he’s joking or being a spoiled child, and the air around Neymar starts feeling heavy.

 

He brought it upon himself, didn’t he? Why did he even think a razor would be a good idea?

 

“Something else? Like what?”

 

“Something more personal.” Leo’s breath is strangely even and calm at the other end of the line.

 

“Such as?” Neymar should be making puns right about now, but instead he feels himself getting anxious, and even those two words he has a hard time pronouncing.

 

Leo is silent for several seconds.

 

“Could you— would you let me fuck you?”

 

Out of all the things Neymar expected, and all the things he didn’t expect, this is the one Neymar couldn’t even have conceived. Leo sounds serious, he sounds dead serious, and Neymar thinks maybe he’s young and he’s got urges, maybe something happened with his parents and he needs comfort. Maybe he wants to try things, maybe he’s joking, maybe it’s a rhetorical question.

 

Whichever it is, Neymar should say no, should ask Leo to explain himself because you can’t just ask someone something like that, with no explanation whatsoever, and God knows Neymar needs explanations. He needs to know what Leo’s thinking, so he can tell him no with sound arguments, because the answer _is_ no – even if Leo is just joking, the answer will always have to be no.

 

Instead Neymar says, “Ok.”

 

 

\--

 

Leo is seventeen, and Neymar is twenty-one and things– Things are changing and Neymar doesn’t know if he’s ready for that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay. I hope you're not disappointed, and before anyone gets angry, I did say there would be pining.
> 
> Also, don't bother looking for a player named Gabriel - at first I had a real person in mind to use, but I don't want to be unnecessarily mean to players who haven't done anything, so have some nameless dude instead. (Though, can you guess who I wanted to base it on?)
> 
> Next chapter, the rating will skyrocket, so that's something to look out for, I guess.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well. It took me some time getting that one out. Sorry? Admittedly, I had an unexpected writer block.  
> I hope you won't be disappointed with it and hey! rating change!
> 
> ALSO I am very lucky and a lovely person made fanart for this and that makes me so damn happy, so if you're curious [ here's the link. ](http://ney-da-fuckboi.tumblr.com/post/111719085531/fanart-basically-doodles-for)

Leo comes back from Rosario with a slightly less pale skin, an enormous smile on his face, and plenty of bags filled with gifts and souvenirs. He has a shiny new camera, hanging around his neck, and the first thing he tells Neymar is that he has taken a lot of pictures, and that they should look them over and decide which one to hang up.

  


It’s a bit surprising for Leo to be so eager for anything photo-related – usually it’s Neymar’s job to be eager for those things.

  


The camera is a gift from his parent. They said they noticed all the pictures on Leo’s wall, and they wanted to help along with Leo’s apparent new passion. It’s neither a new passion, nor is it Leo’s, but Leo has hundreds of pictures in his camera, and he looks happy when he shows them to Neymar.

  


They sit side-by-side on Leo’s bed, and Neymar is a bit distracted by the way Leo smiles, by the happiness in his eyes and by the stands of hair tucked behind his ear which threaten to spill over at any time. He's still trying to pay attention to the pictures, because it’s rare for Leo to show so much eagerness, and Neymar doesn’t want to let him down.

  


Neymar notices a lot of the pictures don’t feature Leo – it’s Carles, it’s Leo’s friends, it’s members of Leo’s family. Leo isn’t in half of those pictures, and that means he bothered to take the photos himself. In the one where he can see Leo, Leo is smiling and happy. There are several family pictures, Carles, Leo and their parents, and Leo doesn’t even look that grumpy in them. In one of them, Carles is ruffling his hair, and Leo’s lips are stretched into a smile as he tries to push him away. His mom and his dad are behind them, laughing, and Neymar says _this one is definitely going on the wall_. Leo doesn’t protest.

  


Leo is happy when he shows him these pictures, speaking lowly and barely containing the excitement in his voice. The atmosphere is quite light and Leo makes jokes at the expense of his own friends, Neymar giggling next to him.

  


It’s fun.  It's light-hearted. Neymar could almost forget, almost forgo thinking about Leo calling him two weeks ago. Leo looks young, happy and careless, and he could almost forget that he'd sounded hesitant but determined, almost forget that Leo had  _asked_ , and Neymar--- Neymar had said yes.

  


The last two weeks had been the most confusing of Neymar's life. He went to visit his family but his heart wasn't into it. He'd been so dreadfully confused he hadn’t even had any dirty dreams. He suddenly couldn’t conjure up any dirty thoughts about Leo, couldn’t remember how he used to imagine things. His mind drew a blank – almost like his brain refused to imagine it anymore until it was given the real thing.

  


“Neymar?” he is shaken out of his thoughts by Leo's voice, and Leo's face filling his vision, peeking at him curiously.

  


“Sorry,” Neymar offers Leo a quick smile.

  


The photos are discarded on the bed, and Leo is staring at him. Neymar quirks an eyebrow at him and Leo licks his lips nervously.

  


“Are you thinking about--,” Leo licks his lips again, “are you thinking about my gift?”

  


Neymar knows what Leo is talking about – of course he does – but it doesn't stop him from playing oblivious.

  


“The camera you mean? Very nice, you'll need to let me use it.” He gives Leo a blinding smile, and he's sure Leo's aware Neymar is faking it.

  


“No,” Leo sounds a bit annoyed, “I mean the gift you said you'll give me.”

  


“An electric razor?”

  


“No!” Leo is growing more agitated by the minute. His cheeks are a bit red, and his voice grows quieter, almost like a whisper, “you said you'll let me--- do you.”

  


Leo didn't have that much trouble saying the word _fuck_ on the phone, and in another situation Neymar would have probably burst out laughing. Yet, things are what they are and Neymar's heart picks up its pace without Neymar's consent. He still doesn't think it's a good idea, still thinks it's going to change things way too much, way too deep, but he tells himself a promise is a promise _(he doesn't tell himself he's been wanting it for ages, longing for ages, dreaming for ages)_.

  


“Now?” he asks.

  


Leo looks nervous. He looks nervous but he doesn't flinch, doesn't look away. He doesn't fiddle with his hands, and apart from his tongue peeking out to lick his lips from time to time, he's solid in his posture and when he nods, he doesn't hesitate.

  


If Neymar wants to back out, it's now. If Neymar wants to laugh at Leo and says it's a joke, if he wants to gives him a stern talking to, if he wants to have a serious discussion, if he wants to run away; it's now.

  


Except Neymar doesn't want any of these things.

  


He wants to touch Leo, and let Leo touch him, and he wants to take Leo's first time, to be there and guide him, to be there and have it. He's always wanted Leo, much more than Leo can imagine, much more than is reasonable.

  


He does his best to tame his heart, and acts as calm and collected as possible.

  


“Alright,” he reclines back on his elbows on the bed, “then what do you know about gay sex?” He looks Leo from head to toes and amends with a cheeky grin, “what do you know about _sex,_ period?”

  


Leo slaps his thigh with no real heat and Neymar knows he tries his hardest not to look uncomfortable when he answers.

  


“I saw some porn.”

  


“Wow. Then you must be quite knowledgeable already. What is even the point?”

  


Leo hits him again, a bit harder this time, “You ass.”

  


Neymar smirks, but in the back of his mind he wonders _what when where why_. Leo spends his time either at school, playing football or with Neymar, and Neymar is persuaded Leo naps all the time when Neymar's away. If Leo watched porn – did he do this secretly, his heart beating out of fear of being caught, but aroused nonetheless by what he was seeing? Did he jerk off to it? Did he do it again?

  


Neymar shakes his head – now isn't the time to think about these things.

  


“Girls and boys, it's the same – if you want to put it in, you need preparation. But it's probably a bit more vital for boys, as mankind has yet to invent self-lubricating assholes.”

  


Neymar knows, he _knows_ he's not being very helpful right now, but he can't stop himself. He genuinely wants to teach Leo things and help him, but he's making Leo squirm in embarrassment, and he just can't stop himself.

  


He gets up and retrieve condoms and lube out of his bag. He walks back to the bed and throws the items on the sheet. Leo look down curiously, and takes the lube in his hands. He doesn't ask why Neymar has these items on him, and Neymar is grateful because he doesn't want Leo to know he'd been expecting it (but Leo's not stupid and he probably understand without being told).

  


Leo handles the lube curiously, and he actually starts reading the warning on it. That's actually cute, albeit useless, and Neymar smacks the bottle out of Leo's hands. Leo looks up expectantly.

  


Neymar licks his lips – this won't do. Both of them can't be nervous; _Neymar_ can't be nervous.

  


He starts stripping off. He takes off all his clothes except for his underwear, and he feels Leo's eyes on him the whole time. He sits back next to Leo when he's done.

  


“Are you sure about this? You really want you first time to happen like this?”

  


Leo opens his mouth, but words seem to be failing him and he nods instead.

  


“Then,” he hands Leo the lube again, “Lube to ease the way, fingers to stretch.” Leo doesn't move, doesn't even look down at the bottle; he just keeps staring expectantly at Neymar, “You actually _need_ to do that.”

  


Leo's eyes finally flicker down and his hands clutches the lube hard. When he raises his eyes again, they focus on Neymar's lips for several seconds, before Leo looks up into his eyes uncertainly, asking for permission.

  


Neymar doesn't really want to kiss Leo now, because that would mean things, because a part of Neymar is still wondering whether Leo wants to have sex with him to know what to do when he lays his rumored crush. (Neymar had asked about it several times, but Leo always acted strange, and Neymar doesn't like that very much so he just stopped asking).

  


He doesn't want to, _shouldn't_ , but when Leo's eyes go back to his lips, Neymar leans in and kisses him gently. He puts a hand on Leo's nape to hold his head, and he tucks Leo's hair behind his ear with his other. Leo goes into the kiss willingly, and his own hands go to Neymar's waist, resting there awkwardly, just like last time.

  


Leo doesn't rush to kiss back this time. He lets Neymar guide him before moving his own lips, wait for Neymar to lap at his lips before he uses his own tongue. He seems to be a bit unsure still, and Neymar thinks he may never have kissed anyone else since Neymar. He doesn't know what to make of that.

  


Leo gets the hang of it again quickly, and soon enough, the hands on his waist tightens their hold and Leo is kissing him heatedly. Neymar doesn't know Leo's purpose, doesn't know what happens after, but this is an opportunity to have Leo like he never had him before, and he has to refrain himself from diving into the kiss desperately. He bits Leo's lips to calm himself, pretend Leo's going too fast when Neymar's heart is the one going a mile per second.

  


He rubs his hand over Leo's shirt, feeling muscles and abs under the fabric until he finally slips his hand under it. He can't tell how many times he's hugged Leo, how many times he's played with his hair, but Leo's actual naked skin has never been more than a mere dream, and now he can feel it, he can let his hands wander all over the expanse of Leo's chest. Leo shivers under his touch, tense, and the hands around his waist tightens even more.

  


Neymar would tell Leo he's authorized to move his hands too, but he fears it would work him up too much, and so he just smiles mockingly into the kiss, and Leo bites his lips in retaliation.

  


Leo licks his lips afterward, to soothe a pain Neymar doesn't really feel, and Neymar dives in deeper, presses Leo's neck forward to push him into the kiss. Their lips never separate, only open against each other to allow them to breathe. It's clearly not enough, both of their chests are heaving, and Neymar feels too hot, even though he's half naked already.

  


Leo's clothes are still on, and Neymar thinks this is a great opportunity to breathe fresh air. He breaks the kiss and yanks Leo's shirt up. Tries to at least, for it takes Leo several seconds to understand what Neymar is doing, a soft hue on his cheeks (might be the heat, might be the asphyxiation, might be the growing boner in his pants). As soon as his shirt is off, Leo puts his hands back on Neymar's waist, and at this point Neymar knows he's going to bruise, but he kisses back eagerly, and his hands start traveling up the raw expanse of Leo's back.

  


Leo has strong shoulder blades, and his shoulders are hunched – he's always slouched, even when he plays football. He rubs Leo's arms a bit – they're tense, rigid from gripping his waist too hard. He can feel Leo's hairs on his arms – they mostly grow on his forearms somehow, and Neymar gets the urge to scratch Leo's skin. He wants to look, wants to see Leo's pale skin under his dark hand.

  


He wants so many things, he's always wanted so many things, and now Leo wants to fuck Neymar, and Neymar isn't as happy about it as he would have thought. But he still wants, still wants _so hard_ – his dick is hard in his underwear, and he's eager for more. He sighs into Leo's mouth and he pulls back.

  


Leo frowns when he realizes Neymar isn't leaning back in, then he open his eyes to look at him questioningly. Neymar grins.

  


“So. Fucking me.”

  


Leo looks about two seconds away from either blushing or hitting Neymar, but instead he doesn't break eye-contact and he nods shakily.

  


“You'll do what I tell you to do, and you'll follow my instructions, right?” Leo nods. There is a rush going through Neymar, at the idea that Leo is going to do what he wants – he's never quite imagined it like that, but it's a nice thought.

  


“Then--” he scoots back on the bed and gestures at the lube Leo dropped next to him on the bed.

  


Leo picks it up, then he looks back at Neymar, waiting. He looks lost, hair wild and tangled, lips rosy, eyes dazed. He looks confused and ridiculous, and Neymar starts giggling despite himself. He claps a hand over his mouth to stay quiet.

  


“It's not fun-- Neymar” Leo whines and Neymar giggles harder, “You said you'll tell me what to do.”

  


Neymar nods and he hooks his fingers into Leo's belt to bring him closer, forcing him to climb up and kneel on the bed.

  


“Put lube on your fingers and start with one. Don't be scared to hurt me. I know what I'm doing.” Leo nods, and Neymar frowns, teasing Leo playfully, “You can't talk anymore? Did I swallow your tongue when I kissed you?”

  


Leo slaps his thigh, “You're an ass.” Neymar opens his mouth but Leo cuts him before he has the time to breathe out, “If you make a dirty joke about asses, I'm never cooking for you again.”

  


Neymar grins and shrugs. He scoots further back onto the bed, and flips over suddenly, burying his face into the pillow.

  


Leo doesn't move for a while. Long enough that Neymar starts worrying (he's clean, he doesn't have any disgraceful hairs, the tattoos on his body are works on art – why should he worry?).

  


Finally, he hears shuffling on the bed, and there's Leo fingers against his sides. They're cold, and unsure as they trail down to his underwear. They hook up into the helm and drags it slowly down his legs. He feels Leo's hands trailing back up, until they both rest on his ass, unmoving. Neymar imagines Leo's small, hairy hands and the stark contrast of his pale fingers against Neymar's skin.

  


Leo squeezes suddenly, an impulse that startles Neymar, before he starts giggling again into his pillow, (He feels like giggling way too much, feels a bit too happy and exhilarated, and he can't say whether it's nervousness or eagerness).

  


Leo's hands leave his ass, and he hears the lube being uncapped. A few seconds after, he feels Leo shuffling closer on the bed, and there's a soft touch against his ass-crack, a cold and slicked finger, trailing down the crack until it reaches his hole.

  


Leo presses his finger against the rim, seemingly hesitant to go further. Neymar huffs, and that does the trick, Leo's finger pushing past the rim and Neymar sighs out of content in his pillow.

  


It's always a bit weird, the first thrust in, but Neymar has long since grown used to it, and he knows to be eager for more, knows that what comes after is worth more than the initial surprise. It's not really painful anyway, and he gets a thrill thinking it's Leo's finger, Leo's pale finger disappearing into his ass slowly, going deep and pushing out. He feels Leo wriggling his finger a bit, and he imagines him frowning and watching, trying to get used to new feelings himself.

  


Leo's breathing is heavy, and he is straddling his leg, hard boner pressing against his thigh. Neymar spreads his legs wider apart.

  


“Put another one in.” Leo's finger freezes completely inside, and he doesn't move. Neymar waits some seconds before bemoaning, “Disobeying my orders already? Is that a rebellion?”

  


Leo snorts, and Neymar feels a second finger poking his rim, slowly sliding in alongside the first one. This finger actually stretches him, and Neymar hums in contentment. His dick is hard, so hard and raw against the sheets. Leo only moves his fingers in and out at first, a bit bluntly and mindlessly. Neymar is about to tell him he'll need to do a bit more than that, but Leo seems to take it upon himself, and he starts twisting his fingers inside, scissoring. Leo _feels_ curious, tentative but determined to try and see.

  


He hits his prostate, and Neymar instantly clutches the sheet, clenching around Leo's fingers. He gasps loudly, and he's about to tell Leo to do it again but Leo beats him to it.

  


“You're clenching around my fingers,” Leo says in wonder.

  


Neymar snorts, “Thanks for the commentary, I hadn't noticed.”

  


Leo doesn't seem to get the sarcasm, and he does it again, thrusts his fingers the same way, and Neymar tenses and gasps again.

  


“Keep doing that. That's the prostate – it feels good.” Neymar breathes heavily in between each words, but he _really_ wouldn't want Leo to stop.

  


Leo doesn't need to be told twice. He starts thrusting his fingers in, pressing them against his prostate each time. Neymar bites the pillow to calm himself and muffle his voice. Leo's breath is heavy and quick and shaky, and Neymar wants to hear that, so he does his best, tries to keep his moans in for as long as he can.

  


Leo puts his other hand on his ass and spreads his asscheeks apart, and he's tense against his thigh, barely keeping himself from grinding down on Neymar's leg. Leo doesn't manage to find his prostate every time, but he does enough that Neymar wants to arch his back and ask for more. He sees no reason to suppress this urge.

  


“Put a third one in.”

  


This time Leo doesn't stop, there is immediately a third finger pressing against his rim, and Neymar can't quite repress a moan when it pushes in.

  


_That_ stops Leo. His fingers still and Neymar huffs.

  


“Your voice did something weird...” Leo says quietly.

  


“ _Moaning_ Leo, it's called moaning.” Leo's fingers are still inside him, locked deep and Neymar's voice comes a bit breathy and high-pitched. “It means it feels good, Leo, just keep going.”

  


Leo doesn't comply. “Are you going to moan again?”

  


“I don't know, maybe.” Neymar is growing a bit annoyed, but he doesn't have that kind of patience when his dick is aching against the sheets.

  


Leo twists his fingers inside and Neymar does moan again. It seems to please Leo, because he starts thrusting them in and out vigorously, and sometimes it's a bit clumsy and rough, and sometimes he doesn't aim very well, but it's stretching Neymar and it feels good. Neymar moans freely, and Leo grinds his crotch down on his thigh.

  


The hand spreading his asscheeks apart is stiff and sweaty, and Neymar doesn't have that kind of patience, he doesn't, but then again Leo doesn't seem to have it either.

  


He moans out, “ _Ah_ , Leo, it's enough now, it's enough.”

  


Leo's fingers stop dead in their tracks, pressed deep inside him against his prostate, and Leo's voice comes out shaky and hoarse.

  


“Is… Is there a way to do it facing each other?”

  


Neymar twists the upper part of his body to throw Leo a look over his shoulders.

  


“Yeah, _face-to-face_.” Leo's eyes focus on Neymar's face as soon as he turns. His bangs are partly over his face, framing his head. Leo's eyes are dark, dark with lust and desire, and it's too hot for Neymar to pretend he's cold when he shivers. “You haven't watched _that_ _much_ porn, have you?”

  


Leo shakes his head and his eyes don't leave his face.

  


Neymar gathers himself on his elbows and turns around, forcefully shaking Leo off when he turns. Neymar more or less sit up, supporting his weight on his hands behind him.

  


Neymar can see Leo's eyes, trailing down from his face. He sees them slowly make their way down until they're on his crotch. They stay there.

  


“It's not very big.” Leo says absentmindedly, and--- Neymar didn't expect that.

  


He kicks Leo's leg.

  


“What the fuck, Leo,” his face is probably a bit red from mortification, and he's aware he sounds petulant when he says, “it's perfectly average.”

  


“I'm bigger than that,” Leo sounds serious. His eyes haven't left his dick yet, and Neymar doesn't have any shame or hidden complex, but no one has ever stared at his crotch so intently.

  


“Right. Whether that's true or not, this is the kind of comment you keep to yourself.”

  


Leo doesn't seem to understand that staring too long at another guy's dick is rude, and Neymar kicks him again. Leo finally looks up, and Neymar jerks his head towards the condom, forgotten on the bed.

  


Leo takes it in his hand, together with the lube, and he places them neatly on the bed between Neymar's legs. Neymar looks pointedly at Leo's clothes, and that seems to get the message across. Leo gets up and strips – first his socks, then his pants, and then finally, he slides his briefs down.

  


Admittedly, Leo _is_ bigger than him.

  


Neymar has a hard time swallowing, and his throat feels dryer than necessary. “I still maintain I'm perfectly average.”

  


For some reason, it seems to reassure Leo, and he sits down on the bed heavily. Neymar scoots forward and extends his hand to touch Leo's dick. Leo doesn't expect it apparently, because he jumps and his breath stops as soon as Neymar's hand makes contact with his shaft. Neymar keeps touching him anyway, Leo's hot breath in his ear, and with his other hand he blindly searches for the condom and the lube.

  


He finds it soon enough, and he opens the condom. “Watch.” He tells Leo, and he slides it down over his dick. He takes the lube and squish some in his hand.

  


He strokes Leo slowly to get his dick appropriately coated, and Leo's hair tickles his cheek the whole time. Neymar watches his own hand around Leo's dick, and he probably spends more time than necessary lubing it.

  


Neymar finally nods to himself and mumbles, “Alright.” He scoots back on the bed, supporting himself on his arms and he opens his legs. “Sit between my legs.”

  


Leo doesn't. He stares at Neymar open legs. At first, Neymar thinks Leo will make another remark about his penis and he's ready to kick him but Leo doesn't. He stares, and his eyes are hazy. Neymar belatedly realizes what exactly ticked Leo off, and he opens his legs wider.

  


“Come on Leo.”

  


That shakes Leo out of his reverie, and he shuffles closer eagerly. Once he's close enough, Neymar drops down on the bed and he closes his legs around Leo, letting them rest on Leo's thighs. He wriggles down closer, as close as he can get to Leo.

  


Leo's hands are clenched inches above the bed – he still doesn't know what to do with them. Neymar takes them both, and he leads them slowly to his stomach. He presses down until Leo opens his fists and his palms lay flat on his belly. Neymar moves Leo's hands up, dragging it over his skin and back down over his stomach. That seems to be enough for Leo, who he starts caressing his stomach and his sides, pressing his fingers over Neymar's heaving chest. His palms reach his nipples and Leo rubs it several times. They're both silent, Leo watching silently and the only sound in the air is that of their heavy breaths.

  


“I didn't know men's nipples could get hard.” Leo murmurs absentmindedly, focused on rubbing his palms over Neymar's nipples.

  


“Maybe you don't need to comment on everything out loud.”

  


Leo looks up and smiles sheepishly. Neymar smiles back and takes Leo's hands off of his chest. He moves his legs to slide them both into the crook of Leo's elbows and he places Leo's hands on his hips.

  


“Whenever you want, Leo,” Neymar says softly, just loud enough for Leo to hear him. Leo's hands squeezes his hips once in acknowledgment, and they are sweaty against his skin.

  


He moves one hand and takes a hold of his dick. Leo looks down, hair draping over his face, as he guides his cock to Neymar's entrance. The head pokes his rim and Neymar tenses in anticipation. He hopes Leo doesn't feel it. He hopes Leo doesn't realize how eager and nervous he is.

  


Leo pushes his dick in, slowly, and Neymar clenches his eyes shut. He closes his eyes, and he feels it, feels every inches of Leo pushing into him slowly, feels it thick and hard, feel it split him and stretch him. He feels Leo's hands tight on his hips, feels Leo's thigh, tense, against his skin. He hears Leo's breath, or lack thereof. He doesn't feel Leo's eyes on his face, and he knows his face isn't what Leo's watching.

  


Neymar also feels himself, vibrating, thrumming. He feels a burning pain and it feels good. It's a lot, it's too much, too fast, but Leo thrusts his whole dick in and Neymar doesn't stop him. He clutches the bed sheets instead and he thinks if he trembles a bit it's fine because so does Leo.

  


Leo's pubes tickles his ass when he's fully in, and Leo finally breathes out.

  


“Is it fine?” he asks, voice shaky and hoarse.

  


Neymar nods, “Wait a few seconds please, just a few seconds.”

  


Neymar doesn't remember the last time he had sex, but he thinks it could have been yesterday and he still would need time to adjust to Leo. He opens his eyes slowly and he meets Leo's. His eyes are dazed and intent at the same time, watching Neymar with rapt attention and he looks a bit desperate too. There's nothing coherent in Leo's eyes and Neymar wonders how his own eyes look right now.

  


Neymar nods and Leo's hands tighten even more around his hips, so tight they're bruising, so tight Leo is unknowingly immobilizing Neymar, keeping him in place against his thigh, and Neymar thinks he wouldn't even be able to buck his hips up if he tried.

  


He doesn't try anyway, content not to move as Leo draws his dick out and thrusts back in. Neymar moans loudly, and he does so again when Leo repeats the action. He doesn't think Leo needs help with this part, and he doesn't have enough strength left to keep his composure. Instead he moans and grips the sheets, and his toes curl every time Leo thrusts back in, hitting his prostate deep and stretching him beyond measure.

  


Leo goes fast – or tries too anyway. He keep a nonsensical pace, between short eager thrusts and slow hesitant one. He doesn't seem to know what he wants to do exactly, but the only way to get off is to thrust in, and thrust in he does. Leo's breath is as inconsistent as his pace, and if Neymar wasn't so busy whimpering, he would have liked listening to it more.

  


Leo hunches over a bit and takes one hand off of Neymar's hips to brace himself on the bed. Neymar lets his legs slide up to Leo's shoulders to let Leo move his arm freely. Leo's hair fall from behind his hair, cascading over his face and his eyes are closed, a thin layer of sweat on his forehead.

  


“ _Leo_ ,” Neymar whimpers and Leo's eyes snap open, meeting his own. Neymar tugs on Leo's hair and drags him down, pulling him flush against his chest.

  


There's one less hand on his hips and Neymar discovers he has reign over them again. He starts bucking up, meeting Leo's thrusts and he feels Leo pants against his collarbone. _So_ _close –_ he also hears the tiny noises Leo makes at the back of his throat, between groans and whimpers. Neymar keeps a vice-like grip on Leo's hair and he wraps his other arm around Leo's back to keep him from sitting up.

  


Leo seems to have settled on going fast, slamming balls deep with every thrusts, and his body starts trembling a bit in Neymar's arms. He starts calling his name, and Neymar feels like he knows what's about to happen.

  


Leo's voice barely comes out, muffled against his shoulder “Neymar, I'm going to--”

  


“Already?” Neymar knows it's hypocritical, knows he didn't last very long on his first time, but his dick is hard against his stomach and he isn't close to coming, and he just wants it to last longer. He grips Leo's hair harder, “Wait, Leo, stop. Stop for a bit, okay?”

  


“What?” Leo sounds surprised, and a bit desperate, and a bit pleading, but he stops moving, his breathing laborious and jerky in Neymar's neck.

  


“I'm not close to coming. Can you wait a bit?” Neymar whispers, and Leo doesn't answer immediately. He ends up nodding against Neymar's shoulder. “Calm down, alright? Breathe.”

  


_Good advice_ , Neymar thinks he should listen to it too. Leo's locked deep inside him, and Neymar feels full. He wants Leo to keep fucking him, and he feels himself clench around Leo needily. Leo must feel that too because his body tenses in Neymar's arms, but he holds on and he doesn't move an inch.

  


Neymar slides his hand between their bodies and he takes hold of his own dick. He strokes a few times, and reaches lower down to gather some lube off his ass and use it on his own shaft. He starts jerking himself off vigorously, edged on by the feeling of Leo's cock hard against his prostate.

  


“Are you jerking off?” Leo's voice is tired and weary against his skin.

  


“What do you think?” Neymar answers, and he lets out a soft moan at the end.

  


“I want to watch.” Leo mumbles.

  


Neymar doesn't answer, and after some time Leo starts moving, until he's up on his elbows. Despite Neymar's hair still gripping his hair, Leo bends his neck and looks down. He watches.

  


It's such an unknown feeling, being watched while he jerks off. Leo's eyes are intent on his dick, and Neymar's hand feels shaky around it. He moans – the only sound filling the room. He pumps himself faster, until he feels dizzy and euphoric, until there is precum leaking and trickling down his shaft.

  


“ _Neymar_ ,” Leo pleads.

  


Neymar nods and he tugs on Leo's hair again to flush him back against him. He keeps his hand on his dick, quick and jerky, and Leo soon resumes moving. His thrusts are restrained at first, and Leo doesn't draw out fully before pushing back in. He gradually sets a fast pace again, but he still doesn't pull out much, mostly going deep and hard. Neymar matches his hand with Leo's thrusts, and when Leo starts sucking hickeys into his neck he's too busy moaning to tell him to stop.

  


“So good, it's so good Neymar.” Leo says, hotly against his neck, and Neymar arches up into his hold. “You look so good, you smell so good.”

  


Neymar whimpers, “Great vocabulary.” He gasps, “very diversified.”

  


Leo keeps going faster, hitting his prostate every damn time, and Neymar clenches so tight around Leo's dick it's a wonder he even finds the space to move.

  


“Taste so good, feel so good.” Leo mumbles and Neymar' throw his head back, gasping.

  


He's so breathless he can barely moan. He arches into Leo and bucks up as best as he can.

  


“ _Leo_.” He's so close, and he knows Leo is too.

  


Leo says, “I love you.” He muffles a moan into Neymar's neck and Neymar tightens his legs around Leo's body, “Always; always loved you.”

  


Neymar comes between their chests, Leo deep inside him, and repeating ' _I love you'_ into his neck.

  


  


–

  


Leo is seventeen, and Neymar is twenty-one, and during all the time he'd spent loving Leo, he had never thought Leo might love him back, but he doesn't know what love is for a 17 year old boy.

  


–

  


  


Neymar and Leo are sitting on Neymar's couch the day after, and neither of them is talking.

  


Leo fell asleep curled around him the day before, and Neymar had been unable to utter a single word. He'd sneaked out, went back home, and that may have been a bit insensitive but he had needed space to think.

  


Think.

  


He had been in love with Leo for almost two years, and that was a part of his life, something always there in the back of his mind. He'd always longed, he'd always wanted, while always knowing he would never do anything about that. He _couldn't_ do anything about that.

  


He'd promised Carles he would protect Leo, he swore to _himself_ he wouldn't touch Leo. He'd kissed him once, and that had already been too much, already been stupid, but that's what Neymar is – stupid and impulsive, and Leo deserves better.

  


Leo is so young. Does he even know what love is? He'd befriended Leo when Leo felt lonely, and they spent all their time together – it might have fucked his discernment. Neymar couldn't really wrap his mind around it, couldn't trust Leo's words. But he'd still heard them, repeated against his neck as Leo came, and the thought of it makes him way too happy for someone who should be rejecting it.

  


Now Leo is there, sitting on his couch, and Neymar doesn't know how to start from there. Neymar doesn't know how to deal with silence, but Leo is content to let it settle between them, heavy and tense.

  


“You remember my family's coming next week, right?” Neymar says. “I don't think I'll be able to see you everyday. But you can come over if you want; I think my sister likes you.”

  


Leo stares at him. “She's nice,” he says disinterestedly.

  


Neymar smiles and nods, and he thinks his sister is as good a subject as any when Leo starts talking.

  


“We had sex yesterday.”

  


Neymar's smile drops, and he stares back at Leo.

  


“You let me--” he seems unwilling to say it now, and Neymar wonders if he's trying to find a way around _'mak_ _e_ _love to you'_. Finally, Leo resigns himself and says, “--fuck you.”

  


“You asked for it.” Neymar knows he sounds childish.

  


Leo nods. “I also said I loved you.”

  


Neymar doesn't have anything to say to that.

  


“Maybe we shouldn't talk about it anymore.”

  


“I said I love you” Leo says back immediately, voice loud and unwavering.

  


He probably expects Neymar to say it back, because that's what people do normally. And Neymar does love him back, _oh god_ he does, but his throat is dry and no words leave his mouth.

  


“I want--- to go out, with you.” Leo says, and it's so obvious, so blatant he isn't used to talk about these things. He never had any girlfriend, never had any boyfriend, never had any crush whatsoever, and now he says he wants _Neymar_.

  


“It's not your birthday, you can't demand things anymore.”

  


“It's not a demand. It's not, I-- I'm asking you.” He seems hesitant and then he adds “please.”

  


Neymar doesn't think it's a good idea. Leo is too young to know what he wants. He's around Neymar way too much, and it probably clouds his judgment. He doesn't know any better, and Neymar _should_ know better.

  


He could say no, and he could say yes. Things will change either way, and he thinks he might as well take what he can while he can, might as well enjoy it for now, for as long as it lasts.

  


He huffs, and his lips slowly stretch into a grin.

  


“You're going to get laid very often.”

  


Leo shakes his head in disbelief. “You could have just said yes,” and he looks too relieved to sound reproachful.

  


“Well, I'm warning you. You better train your stamina.” Neymar looks at Leo with sympathy, “Not that there is anything wrong with lasting only a minute. It was a nice minute, for sure.”

  


Leo looks mortified. Neymar bursts out laughing and Leo mutters ' _you ass_ ' weakly.

  


_Yeah_ , Neymar thinks he'll enjoy it while he can.

  


  


–

  


Leo is seventeen, and Neymar loves Leo too much not to take this chance, but he also loves Leo too much not to feel guilty about it.

  


–

  


  


Neymar should have known that entering into a relationship with the conviction it wouldn't last wasn't the way to go about it.

  


Their relationship doesn't change in itself, but now there are kisses, cuddles, and hands fumbling hurriedly with uncooperative zippers. Leo is young and eager, but he's trying to hide it all, trying to pretend he doesn't want to have sex as much as he actually does, and Neymar has fun all throughout summer, watching Leo struggle with desire and decency.

  


Neymar doesn't have that much reservation – he decided he'll enjoy what he can while he can, and that also entails lying down on a bed and letting Leo touch and discover. Letting Leo say _I love you_ when he comes, and Neymar chants _Leo Leo Leo_ but he doesn't say it back, he never does.

  


Leo spends most of his time at Neymar's place. More accurately, Neymar doesn't leave his place and Leo doesn't have any choice but to come over. It's harder in Leo's house, decorated with pictures and souvenirs, and the memories of Carles calling his brother down, the memories of a 15 year-old boy With Issues. It's easier at Neymar's, where Leo is still young, but he's 17, and 17 is enough.

  


Enough to be going to parties, according to Leo.

  


It's early November, and Leo hadn't taken kindly to Neymar dropping him on Halloween.

  


“I'm old enough to go at these kind of parties, you know.”

  


They're sitting on the floor, playing Mario Kart, and Leo has the audacity to sound annoyed even though he's winning.

  


“Too many things can happen there. Alcohol, sex, drugs, rock'n'roll.” Neymar tries to elbow Leo to distract him.

  


Leo snorts. “Because you think there are only sodas at Geri's.”

  


Leo crosses the finishing line, and Neymar side-eyes Leo with a disapproving frown, “That's it, you're grounded.”

  


Leo kicks his shin lightly.

  


“I don't mind you going to parties.” Leo mumbles, “I just want to know what it's like, what you do when you're there.”

  


Neymar contemplates Leo's answer for a moment. He has the urge to call Gerard and ask _q_ _uestions_ , but he knows perfectly well what he was doing at Leo's age. He doesn't feel comfortable thinking about it though, and he doesn't feel comfortable thinking about Leo's there. But Leo is 17, and if it's only once, and if Neymar keeps an eye on him, and if they leave before midnight like Cinderella – maybe it wouldn't be that bad, and Leo won't ask again after that.

  


Neymar doesn't even go out much because he likes staying in with Leo better, but Leo doesn't appreciate his singing abilities the way drunk people do.

  


Neymar ultimately agrees. He tells Leo not to wear jeans too tight, that V-cuts are prohibited, and if he dares wear a shirt it must be long-sleeved and buttoned up to his neck. Leo snorts and his face is a mixture of fond exasperation and amusement.

  


On Friday night, he takes Leo to a party organized by that one guy he vaguely knows on campus. Nothing fancy, nothing too big, and Dani is there too and it reassures Neymar.

  


Nothing happens for a while, except some people stumbling into Leo (“because you're so _short_ , bringing you there is a safety hazard”).

  


The flat is near his university and Neymar drags Leo to the balcony to show him buildings and places. Leo is going to uni next year, and even though it's night they still have a clear view of the campus. Leo gets thirsty halfway through and after some seconds of glaring, Neymar allows Leo to fetch drinks by himself. He watches Leo's back disappears into the crowd, and privately wonders how many people will bump into him because they don't realize he's there.

  


“Neymar?” he's shaken out of his thoughts by a masculine voice.

  


He looks to his right, and there stands a tall man, and Neymar _knows_ this guy, but he can't quite put a name on him.

  


He notices the guy's nose, slightly crooked, and he finally remembers, “Gabriel.” He smiles charmingly, and Gabriel frowns.

  


It's been almost a year since they last talked to each other, and Neymar doesn't like holding grudges, but he still avoids looking at Gabriel's nose or he might start smirking.

  


“It's been a long time.” Gabriel says, “You're here with your neighbor, right?”

  


There's nothing special in the way he says neighbor, but he remembers being told _'that kid, your neighbor, he's dumb isn't he'_ , and Neymar might not hold grudges but if Gabriel says anything about Leo, he'll be quick to go off.

  


“Yeah, Leo's there.”

  


He might have sounded hostile after all, because Gabriel gives a quick laugh, “Right, I wasn't very nice, last time. I wanted to apologize for that.”

  


Gabriel smells like expensive cologne, hair impeccably brushed, tight white shirt on to show off every muscles he has even though they're outside and it's chilly. His smile is more charming than apologetic but Neymar doesn't hold grudges and he's willing to listen.

  


“I shouldn't have… manhandled you like that. The gash on your eyebrows seemed pretty deep and--”

  


“Forget it. We were just fighting, and I'm the one who stumbled on my own feet anyway.” Neymar sighs, because he didn't lose sleep over that, and he's not going to start now.

  


“That's true.” Gabriel says. Neymar raises his eyebrows in puzzlement, and Gabriel resumes. “I only pushed you a bit, but you fell on that coffee table on your own.”

  


Neymar frowns, “Well, you _did_ leave even though I was bleeding and barely conscious.”

  


Gabriel shrugs, “I was angry.”

  


Neymar frowns, “What do you even want?”

  


“Hey it's fine.” Gabriel puts his hands up in surrender, “I just wanted to settle things. So we could mutually apologize, start anew.”

  


“Mutually?”

  


“Well, it's not like I did it all my own. It's not exactly _my_ fault I got angry in the first place, if you know what I mean.”

  


“No, no I don't know what you mean.” Neymar remembers Gabriel insulting Leo, and he remembers insulting Gabriel back, and man, _now_ he is pissed. “I'm not going to apologize for saying you had a lame dick.”

  


“And there you go again,” Gabriel rolls his eyes. “Like a child, fighting with petty words instead of answering seriously like an actual grown-up. I didn't do anything to you after that, and yet you told all your friends you broke up with me because I had STDs.” He hisses the last part, and well, Neymar _did_ do something along these lines.

  


Neymar has a hard time repressing his grin, “Well they asked. Would you rather I told them you ' _manhandled_ ' me because I wouldn't let you put it in? I'm sure they would have been glad to know.”

  


“No,” Gabriel spits, “I'd rather you hadn't told them at all. These matters are _private_.”

  


“It is private, but you can't be angry at it being public when you're the reason I had to wear a scarf for a week.”

  


“I _just_ apologized for that.” Gabriel seethes, “You're so immature. You make me sound like the bad guy, but _who the hell_ starts insulting their partner during sex because they suddenly feel unhappy? You don't know how to deal with issues like an adult.” Gabriel shakes his head, “You're so fucking _childish_.”

  


Neymar wants to bite back _'and why the hell did you suddenly start insulting Leo?_ ' but as stupid as Gabriel is, some of the things he says feels too true for Neymar to say anything back.

  


Gabriel snorts and looks at Neymar derisively, “Must be why you're laying a kid; you're a brat yourself.”

  


Neymar doesn't know what to say back but _God_ he doesn't like what he's hearing, and his fists clench at his sides. He doesn't like where it's going at all, and he feels on edge even before Gabriel opens his mouth again.

  


“Because you are, aren't you? Fucking your neighbor.” Gabriel smirks, “That's how you like them, right? _Boys_.”

  


Neymar didn't drink a drop of alcohol yet but it doesn't stop him from launching himself at Gabriel. He hits him square in the jaw, and he wishes it could have been in slow-motion so he would have at least had the time to see Gabriel's face distorts in pain before Gabriel lunges himself at him.

  


As it is, Gabriel gets back on his feet quickly and hits Neymar in the stomach, the strength of the blow cutting Neymar's breath. Neymar manages to find his breath again but Gabriel is pushing him into the railing, the cold steel digging into his back and maybe Neymar shouldn't pick fights with people a head taller than him. Gabriel is pushing him so hard – Neymar feels like he might tip over the railing if it keeps up, and he grips Gabriel's shirt and decides that if it happens he won't be going alone.

  


The whole scene doesn't last very long.

  


Suddenly there are people swarming in and Gabriel is pulled back roughly. Neymar instinctively recognizes the mop of long dark hair and he extends a hand to pull Leo in, holding him back against his torso as Leo tries to lunge at Gabriel.

  


Dani is pushing Gabriel back, and Neymar holds Leo tight against his chest. Leo's tense, ready to go off if Neymar lets him go, so Neymar doesn't. Dani keeps shaking his head as he pushes Gabriel back and away. It looks inoffensive enough, but the hand on Gabriel's neck is firm and doesn't allow him either to look back or turn around.

  


Leo doesn't move, jaw and fists clenched hard, chest heaving, tense. Both Neymar's arms are wrapped around him, and he watches Dani take Gabriel away. People stay away from Dani's path and they watch it all unfold. Neymar meets the eyes of some of the curious onlookers and he puts on a smile.

  


He whispers in Leo's ear, “Come on, calm down Leo. People are watching.”

  


“I don't care.”

  


“ _Now_ you don't care about making a scene, uh.” Neymar loosens his hold on Leo and tries to stir him away. “Come on, let's go.”

  


Leo doesn't move immediately. He's tense for several seconds, before he finally starts walking away. He walks fast, and Neymar trails behind him, throwing smiles and apologies on his way.

  


The drive back to Neymar's home is filled with heavy silence. Neymar tries to talk a few times, _'hey it's not always like this'_ , or _'told you you wouldn't like it',_ and one frustrated, _'_ _what was I supposed to do?_ , but each new word he pronounces seem to anger Leo more than the others.

  


Once in Neymar's flat, Leo stands numbly in the middle of his living room, head down, shoulders tense and stiff. Neymar wait, but Leo still doesn't say a word.

  


“Damn Leo,” Neymar runs his fingers through his hair, frustrated, “what would you have done anyway? You're two head smaller than him.”

  


Leo's head snaps up and he glares.

  


Neymar is used to Leo looking petulant, glaring at him with no real heat or a meaningless one, but now Leo looks angry. His eyes are dark and filled with a cold anger that Neymar doesn't understand.

  


“What would _you_ have done? Why didn't you call for help?”

  


“Help?” Neymar frowns, “I didn't need help. We'd barely exchanged any blows when you arrived. My life wasn't in danger; why would I call for help?”

  


“Well I don't know,” Leo sounds sarcastic, “maybe because the guy beat you up a year ago?”

  


Neymar raises his eyebrows in surprise, “Beat me up? Nobody beat me up.”

  


“Sure, like you said, ' _you fell off the stairs_ '. In your home. A flat. You fell off the imaginary steps of the imaginary stairs leading to the imaginary second floor of your imaginary two-level _flat_.”

  


Neymar laughs. “Now that sounds stupid.”

  


“Well _it's exactly what you told me,_ ” Leo hisses.

  


Was it? Leo had kept on bothering him for answers, and he sometimes did so as he was checking the gash on his eyebrow and Neymar wasn't always very focused when Leo was too deep into his personal space.

  


“And if he didn't beat you up,” Leo speaks again, “then why did you have fingerprints around your throat?”

  


Neymar waves him off. “Whatever Leo, it was one year ago.”

  


“And what happened _tonight_?”

  


“Just talking, nothing important. Don't get worked up over that.”

  


“You were fighting.”

  


Neymar sighs, “Just let it go Leo.”

  


“ **NO** , I WON'T LET IT GO FOR FUCK'S SAKE!” Leo's voice thunders through the room and he looks absolutely _furious_. His eyes freeze Neymar, pin him on the spot. “It's not that _fucking hard_ to just tell me what the fuck _happened_.”

  


Neymar's heart is beating like crazy, and he distantly remembers Leo being angry at him once, because he had refused to invite him to his birthday party, and at the time he'd felt lost and helpless but it was nothing compared to now – Leo's voice booming in his flat and his eyes uncompromising and unforgiving daring Neymar to look away.

  


“We just talked, Leo” Neymar's voice is so weak he wonders whether Leo can hear it, “It really doesn't have anything to do with you.”

  


“But _it does_! Because I'm your boyfriend right? You were supposed to become more honest with me, but nothing changed whatsoever except for the fact that now we're having sex.”

  


Neymar frowns, “What do you mean?”

  


“You treat me the same way you treated me before. You treat me like a _child_. You don't take me seriously, not even now. You talk, you talk, but you never say anything.”

  


“That's… I don't really get what you're trying to say. _You_ are not that talkative when it comes to your feelings.”

  


“But I talk to you about it, and what I don't say you understand. But what do you tell me? What about the way you came out to your parents? What about the deceased grandmother whose flat you live in? What about your feelings for _me_?”

  


Leo stops talking, and Neymar thinks he expects an answer but his throat is dry and even if it wasn't, he still doesn't have any idea what to say.

  


“Are you trying to protect me from your feelings or do you just… not trust me?”

  


“I do, I do, I trust you.” Neymar chants desperately, voice broken and he attributes it to his dry throat.

  


“Then tell me what happened!” Leo shouts, fists clenched at his sides.

  


All Neymar can think of is, _what would be the point_? He doesn't want Leo to worry needlessly, and he doesn't want Leo to bother himself with old, meaningless things. What would be point rehashing the past?

  


Leo waits for his answer stiffly but Neymar gives him none, except for incredulous wide-eyes. After a while, Leo's shoulders slump and he hangs his head down. His voice is soft and defeated when he talks again, “You don't take me seriously. If you can't even act like I'm your boyfriend, then why even bother?”

  


Neymar told himself countless times that Leo was too young to know what he wanted and that this would never last. He told himself that it wouldn't work and that Leo would eventually let him go. He thought about it _so many times_ , but now Leo looks like he is giving up and the only thing echoing in Neymar's mind is _not now not like that_ _ **not ever**_.

  


Neymar makes up his mind right there and then, and he doesn't exactly know what it will entail but he'll keep Leo. He'll work for it, he'll do what is needed, he'll be a good boyfriend and he won't make Leo feel sad or angry or diminished ever again.

  


“He really didn't beat me up.” Neymar's voice is hoarse and he clears his throat, “We were fucking, and he started talking about you out of nowhere. He said… mean things and it annoyed me so I told him to leave. I said he had a lame dick and things like that, and he grabbed my neck in anger.” Neymar attempts a smile, “See that's why you shouldn't mock a man's penis; it's a very touchy subject.”

  


Leo doesn't react one bit, head still hung low and strands of hair hiding parts of his face from view. Neymar swallows and rubs his sweaty palms on his pants.

  


“He pushed me, and I stumbled over my own feet and fell on the coffee table. And then he left. And today he came to me to apologize but he wasn't very apologetic. And...that's it.” He tries to think of any other relevant details. “That's just it, he didn't 'beat me up', and it wasn't something worth worrying about. It was just a fight.”

  


“Just a fight,” Leo mumbles. “He tried to strangle you.”

  


“He didn't _strangle_ me. That's an exaggera...” Neymar trails off when Leo's head jerks up and Leo looks at him disapprovingly.

  


Neymar doesn't say anything after that, and he doesn't try to contradict Leo anymore. Leo studies his face for a while and Neymar doesn't move. Finally, Leo's eyes soften and he walks towards him. Once he's close enough, Leo takes one of his hands and squeezes it between his own, idly caressing it with his fingers. He doesn't look at Neymar, but down at their clasped hands instead.

  


Neymar squeezes Leo's hands back, just a small movement. He wants to throw up, but he also wants to cry and hold Leo in his arms and never let go ever again.

  


Leo says _I love you_ and Neymar thinks _I adore you_.

  


  


–

  


Leo is seventeen, and Neymar is twenty-one, and it's time he stopped pretending Leo is a child who doesn't know what he wants, when he clearly knows what he wants better than Neymar ever did.

  


–

  


  


Leo's parents will be back from Christmas and despite Leo's protests, Neymar insists they decorate each and every parts of Leo's home with mistletoe. He tries to corner Leo under each of them, but he suspects Leo helps him along by standing pointlessly in a threshold for extended periods of time.

  


Carles can't make it to this Christmas, and Skype conversations aren't nearly enough for Leo to be satisfied with, but he doesn't mop for more than a week when he learns Carles won't come. His parents will be there though, and amidst his disappointment at Carles' absence, he forgets to look grumpy when his parents are mentioned.

  


Neymar thinks there's also the fact he's eager to see them again. Nothing bad happened the last time they were here, and Leo is quite attached to the camera he's been gifted, even though Neymar is the one taking all of the pictures. Sometimes though, he enters Leo's room and there are new pictures on Leo's board, that Neymar didn't take – pictures of his friends at school, of the football club, of a random scenery. Sometimes there are also pictures of Neymar, and Neymar can never quite repress the wide grin on his face when it happens.

  


They spend the day decorating Neymar's flat, and they are a bit tired, but not enough not to kiss, not to touch and caress, and it doesn't surprise Neymar much that they end up naked and sweaty on his couch. It's night time but the moon and the blinking fairy lights cast light and shadows on their bodies. It's not very rough and it's not very fast, but Neymar still rocks with Leo's thrusts, moaning unabashedly every time Leo pushes in.

  


He's lying on his back, and Leo is holding onto his thighs, gripping them as he fucks into him nicely and Neymar can't grab onto Leo's hair when Leo holds his back straight like he's doing right now.

  


His eyes keep getting distracted by the colorful lights dancing on Leo's skin, spot of starkness against Leo's pale skin, and as he catches one yellow spot on Leo's cheek, he finally manages to focus on Leo's face again. Leo's hair is messy and tussled, his mouth half-open as he pants, and his eyes wanders all over Neymar's body. Neymar follows their track – his dick, his shoulders, his nipples, his thighs, his lips. They finally settle on his eyes and they stop wandering when they realize Neymar is staring back.

  


“ _hn_ , you like watching don't you?” Neymar arches his back slightly, catching himself on Leo's knees to stay grounded.

  


Leo's eyes don't waver, locked into his, and he nods, his grip tightening on his thighs.

  


Neymar smiles widely, and an unexpected moan leaves his parted lips. Neymar lets it ring and he tries to fight against his arching back and lay properly on the couch. He puts his hands over Leo's and detaches them from his thighs. Leo lets him, lets Neymar move his hands away and release them on his hips.

  


“I think you're going to like that.” Neymar grounds his feet into the couch and with a quick movement, he sits up and pushes Leo on his back. He finds himself seated on Leo's dick, a bit breathless because of the action. Leo's eyes are clenched shut and he is rubbing his head, which banged on the armrest when Neymar pushed him down.

  


Neymar grins, about to apologize when something catches his attention in the corner of his eyes. He turns his head and there's a pink light being reflected back to him, bouncing off on the golden bell of a Christmas hat. Neymar stretches his arm to take it and he screws it onto his head to keep the hat from falling. The bell tinkles with each movement, and when he's done, he grins down at Leo.

  


“What are you doing?” Leo frowns, his eyes darting quickly to the hat on his head.

  


Neyma's grin widens, “ _Merry Christmas_.”

  


He lifts off of Leo's dick, until it's almost completely out and he sits back down heavily, closing his eyes and moaning as he feels it part his inside and fill him deep. Neymar blindly braces himself on the couch and he repeats the movement.

  


Leo gasps under him, and his hands are back on his thighs and hips, tight and tense. Leo says his name, a strangled _Ney_ but Neymar doesn't open his eyes. Head thrown back and eyes closed, he goes about sitting up and down on Leo's cock, the bell of the Christmas hat tingling with every movement.

  


“Neymar,” Leo's voice sounds almost pleading and Neymar's mouth doesn't seem to know whether it should smile or moan.

  


“Shh, listen,” Neymar's voice is a bit hoarse but it doesn't stop him from humming, “ _Jingle bells, jingle bells-_ _-_ ” Leo bucks up purposefully and Neymar breaks off into a whimper but it doesn't stop him from resuming, “-- _J_ _ingle all the way. Oh, what a fun it is to ride-_ -” Neymar bursts into high-pitched giggles and Leo's nails dig into the skin of his thigh.

  


“Neymar _._ ” Leo's hands travels to his backside and holds firmly onto it, squeezing, and Neymar starts stroking his dick lazily. He isn't in a hurry, and he takes the time to fuck himself slowly on Leo's cock, feeling every inches of Leo enter him each time he sits down. It takes all of Leo every time, takes it to the hilt, and it's enough to make his thighs tremble.

  


“ _Neymar_ ” Leo repeats, sounding breathless, and then there's a hand over his dick, replacing his own, “I'm not going to last.”

  


Neymar's eyes flash open and he finally looks down at Leo. Leo's sweaty, and his pupils are dilated, eyes intent on Neymar and filled with lust. Neymar tries to bat Leo's hand off of his dick because he wants to keep going, but Leo's hold is firm and Neymar can do nothing but moan when Leo starts jerking him off.

  


Neymar whines, “Already? I though we were past that.”

  


Leo flushes, and he bucks up into him hard, using his hold on Neymar to keep him in place. Neymar moans deeply and Leo pulls him down against his chest. He slings an arm over his lower-back and uses it to press Neymar's backside down, fucking up into him fast while jerking Neymar off at the same speed.

  


They really don't last long – neither Leo nor Neymar. Leo thrusts into him hard and fast, and Neymar can barely move his hips to meet his thrusts. He moans into Leo's mouth, hunched over him, and the Christmas hat is dangerously close to slipping off his head, its bell excitedly tingling away.

  


Neymar comes, burying his face into Leo's neck to gasp, and Leo keeps fucking Neymar through his orgasm, until he comes too, and Neymar feels some cum trickle down his ass and onto Leo's pelvis.

  


They both catch their breaths as they come down from their high. Leo's fingers rub circles on his skin absentmindedly.

  


“Why did you never do that before?” Leo is breathless and he sounds a bit reproachful.

  


Neymar lifts his upper body, placing his hands on both sides of Leo's head. “Well I don't want to stop you, you always seem so into it.”

  


Leo looks on the verge of protesting, but something seems to click in his mind, and he looks at Neymar smugly. “Yeah, I'm often _into_ you.”

  


Neymar's eyebrows rise in shock, and Leo looks _so_ proud of himself. Neymar bursts out laughing.

  


“This is bad, so _so_ bad.”

  


“No it's not” Leo mumbles. Neymar shakes his head with a smile and the Christmas hat slips from his head, falling right on Leo's face.

  


Neymar is still laughing as he grabs the hat and fixes it on top of Leo's head, arranging it nicely. A red light is being cast on Leo's cheek, and Neymar leans down to peck it.

  


“I love you,” he murmurs against Leo's skin, and he slouches down on Leo again, sighing contentedly.

  


Leo doesn't move. He's stiff and frozen under him, and Neymar listens to his heart beats away in his ribcage for a while.

  


Several minutes pass before Leo croaks out, “Is that your way of telling me you won't buy me anything for Christmas?”

  


Neymar huffs playfully into Leo's neck, and he never felt as genuine as when he answers, “I'll give you anything you want Leo.”

  


  


–

  


Leo is seventeen, and Neymar had told himself Leo was too young to know, too young to love, but Leo says he loves him, and it is so easy to stop thinking and just believe.

  


–

  


  


Carles finally comes to visit in March. He's supposed to stay here two weeks. It's not enough. Neymar hasn't seem him in two years, Leo misses him like crazy. It's not enough, but it's something, and Leo is buzzing with joy all thorough February.

  


Carles didn't change much. His hair is still long, his eyes are still soft and strong, and despite witnessing the horror of war, poverty and diseases, his smile is as benevolent as the first time they met.

  


He doesn't have many souvenirs, and he doesn't have many pictures, but he has stories, and the first night he's there they go to bed when the sun rises, Leo and Neymar both too absorbed in Carles's adventures to think about sleeping.

  


They have many things planned, and not enough time for them all. Carles disappoints them greatly when he leaves to visit some friends of his for the day, and Leo reverts back to a sulking 15 year-old boy for an hour. It's funny enough that Neymar forgets his disappointment to poke fun at him.

  


They don't have a very productive day, and at around 6 they set off to bake a cake. Well, Leo sets off to bake a cake and Neymar watches his little ponytail swings back and forth at the back of his head. Cakes aren't Leo's specialty, but he's certainly better at it than Neymar.

  


Neymar gets bored of doing nothing after a while and he decides to have Leo lick chocolate off of his fingers. The act involves actually diving his fingers in the chocolate first, which is something Leo shows great reluctance too. Neymar has the advantage of his position though, pinning Leo against the cupboard, but even once Neymar has successfully collected chocolate, Leo still won't open his mouth.

  


After several minutes of struggling, during which Neymar's clothes gets acquainted with water and Leo's face gets speckled with chocolate fingerprints, Leo opens his mouth and bites Neymar's intruding finger.

  


Neymar whimpers and Leo laughs. He doesn't let go of his hand though, tangling their fingers together, and when Leo lifts his chin, there's nothing as natural as Neymar bending down to kiss him.

  


And really, Carles's reaction when he enters the kitchen and sees them kissing, dropping his bag and freezing in place – it's natural when Neymar thinks of it.

  


The sound of the bag falling heavily on the floor breaks Neymar and Leo out of their bubble, and Neymar puts as much space as he can between Leo and him as soon as his brain catches up with the fact that _he's fucked he's fucked he's completely fucked_.

  


Unfortunately, Neymar's retreat is the only movement in the room, and it catches Carles's attention. Carles turns to him, and his wide-eyes are making way for a frown.

  


“Neymar, what--”

  


“A misunderstanding, clearly.” Neymar cuts Carles off before he has the time to ask something unfortunate along the lines of _'what were you doing with my underage little brother'_.

  


“A _misunderstanding_?” Carles sounds incredulous, “Neymar, you were kissing--”

  


Leo is the one to cut Carles off this time, and Neymar wishes he hadn't. “We're going out,” he says abruptly. “Neymar and I, we're dating.”

  


Carles doesn't stop looking at _Neymar_ , even though Leo is the one blabbering away about their relationship, and Neymar thought they had a silent agreement to keep this a secret but it seems like they hadn't after all.

  


Carles opens his mouth and his frown deepens, and _wow_ Neymar doesn't want to deal with that.

  


He says hurriedly, “No really, I understand your feelings, but if you have a question, see between yourself, I'm not responsible for this,” and then he goes right for the front door, making his escape.

  


He tells himself that walking really fast isn't the same thing as running away.

  


He gets to his flat and splashes water on his face. Then he proceeds to sit on the floor and lament about Leo's dirty mouth.

  


He doesn't have any doubts about what Carles is thinking – Leo is young, Neymar isn't. Carles has been overprotective of Leo all his life, had acted like a parent more than a big brother really, and it probably was hard to discover him being kissed eagerly by this friend who promised he'd protect him.

  


Neymar face-plants on his couch and doesn't move for a full hour, afraid to think about what's going on in the Messi-Puyol household right now. He's shaken out of this state of stupor by a knock on his door that makes Neymar jump.

  


He goes to open the door warily and Carles is standing there, looking weary.

  


“Can you let me in? I'd like to talk to you.” Carles's voice is soft, and he doesn't look angry. Neymar knows Carles doesn't pretend or act, and if he seems calm then he _is_ calm.

  


He steps back to let Carles in.

  


They sit around Neymar's kitchen table, face to face, and there's an awkward silence that settles in for several minutes.

  


Carles is in deep thoughts and Neymar wonders what happened between him and Leo. He can imagine Leo arguing and yellin loudly, and Carles trying to pacify him down like he's a child, and Neymar knows how much Leo hates that.

  


“So it's true then.” Neymar looks up as Carles start talking, “You and Leo...”

  


Neymar nods. He doesn't know what to say.

  


“Leo's so young.” Neymar's whole body feels like dread and he nods again, “I've been taking care of him my whole childhood. When I was a teenager, I fetched him from school and from his friend's houses. I hurried back home when my classes ended too late. Hurried back home so he wouldn't be alone there. I didn't go out at nights so I could stay with him and we'd watch a movie together. Sometimes he had friends over, and I'd bake for them and always be there in case they needed anything. I did what my parents should have been doing, and when my parents came back I filled them in on what happened. I didn't mind.”

  


Neymar cannot even find it in himself to swallow around the lump in his throat. Carles's eyes aren't even on him anymore, staring off into space and remembering.

  


“I never minded. It's my brother and my family, and I love taking care of him. And Leo needs to be taken care of, because he's young.” Carles keeps silent for several seconds before amending, “was young.”

  


“I'm sorry Carles.” Neymar doesn't know how he manages to get actual words out, “But I won't do this. It's--- it's Leo's choice. I had trouble enough with that, I have no intention of--”

  


“I'm not asking you to break it off. Leo made it clear enough that he isn't 12 anymore and that he can do what he wants with whoever he wants.”

  


Neymar's lips twitch. “Yeah I can imagine that.”

  


“I just want to ask-- how long have you liked Leo?”

  


Neymar considers lying. But Carles deserves nothing less than the truth.

  


“I can't pinpoint the exact moment, but it didn't take me long, once I met him.”

  


Carles nods pensively. “So then, everything you did then, helping Leo, taking care of him, being there for him – did you have a personal interest in doing all these things?”

  


Neymar doesn't understand what Carles means, not immediately. But when he does, his answer is so hurried he barely manages to stay articulate.

  


“NO! _No, no, no_. Never. I've never--- I've always only wanted Leo to be happy, I've never expected anything in return, I swear. Not sex, not love, not even friendship; I swear it's not like that--”

  


“Neymar, _Neymar_ ” Carles puts his hand on his shoulders, “it's fine calm down, I believe you. I just needed to know.”

  


Neymar nods shakily, and tries calming down his racing heart. The idea that he would have spent all this time with Leo, listening to him talk about his parents, cheering up when he was feeling down, holding him and comforting him when he felt sad and lonely – the _very_ idea that he could have done all of that just in hopes of Leo giving something back to him-- It's a horrible idea. The thought of it fills him with dread and gives him a bitter taste in the back of his mouth, makes him want to throw up.

  


“It's fine Neymar. I trust you.” Carles squeezes his shoulders. “It's… hard telling myself that Leo has grown up, and that he may not need me to take care of him anymore. Maybe now he needs you, in a way that I can't provide for.” He grimaces, and Neymar gives a short laugh.

  


Carles smiles nicely. “I think you're good for him. I never thanked you properly for everything you've done for him. So here: thanks for helping him. And thanks for watching over him while I was away.”

  


Neymar nods incredulously, and his hands still tremble a bit against his thigh. He can barely believe Carles is letting it go. But then again, Carles has always been the better of them all.

  


Carles slaps his shoulder playfully. “Now come with me, Leo is sulking in his room and he says he won't come out until I'm back with you and we're on friendly terms.”

  


Neymar laughs and follows Carles, and his heart feels light. There was a weight on his shoulders, and Neymar had forgotten about it but now that it's been lifted, Neymar feels light again.

  


  


–

  


Leo is seventeen, and Neymar thinks he may have held his promise after all. Everything wasn't perfect but he may have managed to protect Leo from what really mattered, and maybe, j _ust maybe_ , he has been good for Leo.

  


–

  


  


The end of the year comes fast. Leo is in his last year of high school, and like every boys his age, he doesn't know for sure what he wants to do afterward. Every time he's asked he says he wants to sleep.

  


He's not bad at science though, and he enjoys mathematics – something which Neymar has trouble understanding. They look deeper into that, looks at the college syllabus, asks questions, visits places. It's boring as hell as far as Neymar is concerned, but Leo seems interested in the answers he's given, so there's that.

  


Neymar is sitting on Leo's bed and he watches him pack his luggage. They're going on a trip together to celebrate Leo's birthday, and Leo is very bad at hiding how eager he is. Neymar had to work for several months in a coffee shop to pay for this trip, lying to Leo about his schedule, but it was worth it for the face Leo made when he handed him the plane tickets this morning. The flight is tomorrow and Neymar is excited like a puppy.

  


“I don't have enough underwear to last a week,” Leo frowns. “I think they all are at your place.”

  


“Well, go commando, it's fine.” Leo throws him a look over his shoulders. “Almost all your clothes are at mine anyway.”

  


Leo keeps packing, looking more and more frustrated as he realizes all his clothes _really_ are split between two places.

  


“Leo.” Leo turns to him curiously, and Neymar beckons him closer until Leo is standing in between Neymar's legs. Neymar slides his hands into Leo's back pocket and takes keys out – Leo's keys to his flat.

  


Leo aborts a movement to take them back.

  


“Wait.” Neymar takes a ribbon out of his own pocket, and ties it around Leo's key, before handing the keys back to Leo. “Happy birthday!”

  


Leo stares at the keys in his hand. “Why did you tie a ribbon around it?”

  


“Well it's yours now.”

  


“It's always been mine. You made me do them at my own costs.” Leo's lips are starting to stretch into a smile, “You're stupid.”

  


Neymar grins widely. “My place is closer to college.”

  


“No it's not. You literally live in front of my house.”

  


“Don't be so sour,” Leo rolls his eyes at him, a wide smile on his face, “I even asked your parents if it was fine.”

  


“Did you?”

  


“Yeah. They're going to sell your house. It's always empty anyway. They said they'll give you a monthly allowance and all. You should thank them later.”

  


Leo nods. “And they didn't think it was weird? That I'd...live with you? Did you tell them we were dating?”

  


Neymar snorts. “Right, of course I did. And then I gave them the date of our wedding, asked them whether they could watch the kids on weekends, and informed them of the exact place we want to be buried in when we die.”

  


Leo laughs. “Idiot.”

  


“They didn't find it weird. They understand you don't like being alone, so they think it's easier like that. Plus they asked Carles for advice and he said it was all good.”

  


Neymar can't stop smiling, but Leo doesn't seem to fare any better.

  


Neymar lifts his arms and brings Leo's head down, bumping their foreheads together, and when Leo breaches the space between their lips, it's more teeth than tongue because of the smiles on their faces.

  


Somewhere in between the kisses and the embraces, Leo whispers _thank you_ and if Neymar was a cheesier man he would have said _thank_ _ **you**_.

  


  


–

  


Leo is eighteen--- Leo _is_. Leo is, and Neymar is with him.

  


 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dum dum.  
> Well I hope you weren't disappointed. At any rate, it's the final chapter, so I'm free again !  
> Thanks to everyone who followed this story and bothered to stay interested even though I may have updated a bit sporadically ^^


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